Written by Krumbine

CHARACTERS:
B - Male, intellectual.
N - Male, average guy, realist.
X - Male, kind of a punk-ass.
G - Female, cleavagy, probably on the flighty-side.


B
You know what I hate?

N
Do I care?

B
Well, you should.

N
Well, I don't.  Does this mean we don't have to be friends anymore?

B
What?  No.  It means I'm gonna tell you anyways and rather than simply enjoying it for what it is, you'll have to fake your interest so that you don't hurt my feelings.

N
(shakes head, quietly)
That doesn't sound like something people who aren't friends would do.

B
(speaking deliberately)
I cannot stand the boob shot.  I hate the boob shot.

N
What?  I love the boob shot!  That's literally the whole point of internet video--boobs!

X
What?  Are you crazy?  Everybody knows that the whole point of internet video is porn.  Hardcore, sloppy, in-your-face pornography.

N
Okay, fine, but I'm talking about places like YouTube.

X
Oh, yeah, then it is ALL about the titties.

B
See, and I can't stand that.  It's such an obvious gimmick, there's never any talent that backs up the boobs--

X
I've seen plenty of talent to back up the boobs.

N
Still talking about youtube, here, buddy.

X
Really?  Jeez, you guys are boring as hell.

B
Worse: this whole "if you've got it, flaunt it" mentality is so pervasive that guys simply can't compete on youtube if the other person has tits.  Men are handicapped my virtue of lack of tits.  How messed up is that?!

G clicks on.  Her cam is angled low and shows off cleavage.

G
Hey, fellas.  

B
Dammit!  See?!


WHOA.  You are looking NICE.  Seriously.  Hey, does your cam zoom at all?

G
(flighty, grinny)
Yeah, I get that all the time.

N
You know what we need?

B
What?

X
A zoom lens?

N
The male equivalent of a cleavage shot.  You're right, we don't have any, but we should, if for no other reason than to level the playing field.

B
Yeah, exactly, but what is it?  What is the male cleavage shot?

X
Okay, look, if you assholes really want to go there, then fine, here you go: shaft.  Specifically, dick shaft.  That's your cleavage shot.

B
(exasperated, yelling)
Dude--how many times--

N
(yelling)
We're not talking about porn!

X
Yeah, but everybody loves shaft.  Trust me on this one.

G
I know I'd dig it.

B
This is ridiculous.

N
Guys can't go around youtube featuring their penises in videos.

G
(absently)
We live in such a repressed society ....

B
There's gotta be something else.

X
There's nothing else, dude.

B
There has to be something else!

N
What about eyebrows?  Guys could use eyebrows as their cleavage shot.

A blank, flat reaction from everyone.

B
Okay, nevermind.  Clearly, this is Darwinism at work.

N
Hey--

B
No, nevermind.  Forget I even brought it up.

X
Forget it?  Even the shaft idea?

B
Even the shaft--you know what?  Especially the shaft.  Forget the shaft.

G
... so what do you want to talk about, then?

X
(hesitantly)
It'd be awesome if we just didn't talk for a few minutes.

B and N roll their eyes and sigh.

X
(leans in)
Hey, girl, do you think you could lean forward a bit?

G is confused, but leans forward, giving more cleavage.

X
(grinning)
Yeaaaaah ...

END



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