Written by Jordan Krumbine

CHARACTERS
A
B
C

B
Hey, did you hear about that video on youtube?

A
What video on youtube?

C
(overly dramatic)
Oh my GOD!  There's a VIDEO on youtube?!

A
Wait, are you talking about the sweater sex video?

B
No--wait, what?

C
(serious)
I've actually seen that video.  People having sex while making sweaters.  Not half bad, actually.

B
(unbelieving)
And this was on youtube?!

C
(as if this is all that needs to be said)
Oh, it was tastefully done.

B
(still doubting; wonderment)
I can't possibly imagine.

A
See, the people who were having sex were wearing sweaters, too.

B
While they were making the sweaters?

A
(nods)
Yes.

C
No!

A
What?!

B
(confused)
Huh?

C
They weren't wearing the sweaters they were making!  That's just unbelievable and stupid.  And frankly, rather improbable.

A
Well, of COURSE it's stupid.  I never said they were making the sweaters they were wearing.

C
... you didn't?

B
Hold on a second--so how many sweaters were there?

C
(thinks)
Um ... at least two sets.  It gets a little hard to keep track with all the sex.

A
And all the sweaters.  Actually, at one point the girl started knitting a scarf.

B
(slow)
She knitted a scarf while having sex?

C
And while wearing a sweater.

A
(curious)
Is this the video you were talking about?

B
Oddly enough, no.

C
Well, it's a video on youtube, isn't it?

A
I can't understand why this WOULDN'T be the video you were talking about.

B
Oh my god!  I can talk about another video on youtube if I want to!  All conversation does not have to be about the sweater sex video!

A
No, you're right, it doesn't have to be.  But it should.

C
You know, when you say "sweater sex", it sounds like it's the sweaters that are having all the sex.

A
(shakes head)
That's just not right.

C
And it's a bit offensive.

B
(incredulous)
Oh, to who?!

A
Whom.

C
To the sweaters!  They're literally incapable of having sex in the first place and not only are you literally rubbing this fact in their sweatery faces, but you're practically making them out to be skank-whore sweaters sluts!

A
That's like ... discrimination or something.

B
You're talking about sweaters, for crying out loud!

C
Sweaters have feelings too, you know!

B
No they don't!
(breathes; to self)
No, nevermind.  I'm not gonna do this again.  I will not engage ....

A
Sweet, we win!

C
Sweater sex FOR-EVAH!

END


1/21/2011 01:23:19 pm

A
(shakes head)
That's just not right.

C
And it's a bit offensive.

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