Story by Billo and Benzone50
Written by Billo, Benzone50, & Krumbine


Characters
A
B
C



A
Hey.

B
Well hey there--

A
(interrupting)
You know,  the opinionated are the most annoying people in the world.

B
Awesome, I didn't feel like finishing my sentence anyway.

A
Seriously, people with opinions should just get lost.  I don't care what your views on religion are and I CERTAINLY don't care what you think about government, capitalism, or socialism!

B
I could probably say anything right now and you wouldn't even hear ...

A
Just live your life!  What's the point of having an opinion about something if it's just going to  infuriate your peers?

B
I sometimes think about stealing a boat.  Or a scooter.  Just cause.

A
Opinions make you biased, and that's a fact.

B
If I stole a boat, I'd ride down river, and meet a gentle hermit named Richard.  With the scooter, I think I'd jump twelve homeless people with it.

A
And if you keep on living life opinionated, you'll end up like Bill Maher.  Is that what people REALLY want?

C
Sorry to interrupt, but I just had to point this out:  do you have any idea how ironic it is that you're so damn opinionated about other people's opinions?  I mean, really.

A
Ha!  Whatever.  I am not opinionated about ANYTHING.  I live my life based on facts and facts alone.

C
Which in and of itself is an opinion.

A
What?!

C
(shrugs)
It is.

A
It's not an opinion!  It's FACT.

C
Maybe a factual opinion.  Or an opinionated fact.  But definitely not a cut and dry fact.

B
I killed the family shitzu and told the children it was stolen by immigrants.

A
...

C
...

B
Of all the times for you two to start paying attention to me, it had to have been then.

C
See, the fact of the matter is that that was a crazy thing to say.  However, crazy is, by definition, subjective, so it can't really be more than an a opinionated fact.

A
Hey, buddy?

C
Yes?

A
(angry, yelling)
FACT YOU!

TITLES

A
Brontology ...

C
Bront-what?

B
Brontology?

A
(nods)
Yes, that’s right.

B
What about it?

C
What IS it?

A
I’m so glad you asked.  

C
Why do I have a hard time believing that?

A
Maybe because you're an opinionated fool?

C
Why am I talking to you again?

B
Brontology.

C
That's not what I meant, you brontosaur.

B
Ooh, is brontology the study of dinosaurs?

A
My opinion is that the fact that you are an idiot is correct.

C
See: right there.  A fact can't be wrong.  It wouldn't be called a fact, then!

A
I never said it wasn't a fact!

C
You said that the fact was correct, which implies that there was a chance of it being incorrect, thereby making the entire statement an opinion, no matter how you try an dress it up!!!

B
Can I ask a question?

A
What?!

C
What?!

B
What the hell's brontology?

A
(abrupt)
It's the study of thunder!

B
Thunder?

C
That's a fact.

A
You're face is a fact!

B
How did they come up with Brontology as the name for the study of thunder?

A
(rubs forehead)
I don't want to talk about this anymore.

C
Ah, but that's just your opinion.

A
I will opinionize your ass into next Tuesday if you don't shut it!

C
First you're facting me and now you're opinionizing me?  You should really make up you mind.


B
I think I know a fact that maybe you guys don’t know.

C
Oh, really?

A
Please, shut up!

B
A dog was killed by a meteor in Nakhla Egypt, in 1911.

C
Huh.  Really?  I did not know that fact.

B
(grinning)
Oh, I'm not finished yet!

C
There's more?

B
That unlucky canine in Egypt was--

A
The only known creature  to have been killed by a meteor.

B
Oh, hey!  How did you know that?!

A
Factually speaking, I’m a fountain of factual knowledge.  And that's no opinion.

C
You should really put on a jacket or something.

A
Why?

C
Your opinions are showing.

B
Okay, how about this?  What unusual plant can you make paper out of, other than the obvious?

A
Asparagus.

C
(annoyed)
Really?!

B
How did you ...

C
You're googling these, aren't you?

B
(frustrated look)
A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the milky way. About how many years is that?

A
About 225 million years.

B
AAAH!!!
Alfred Nobel of Sweden patented dynamite in what year?

A
1867.

C
This is just sad.

B
How many Model T Fords were manufactured all in black?

A
Fifteen million, seven hundred thousand and three.

C
That’s a lot of Model T’s.

A
Model T Fords.

C
OKAY!

B
What other animal prints can not be distinguished from human fingerprints?

A
The koala bear.

B
Oh, come on!!! Theres got to be something you don’t know.

A
There is nothing I don't know for *I* am all-knowing.

B
Okay-okay-okay. In Greek culture, brides carry a lump of sugar in their wedding glove. Why?

A
(shrugs)
Its supposed to bring sweetness to their married life. 

B
When was the yo-yo first introduced?

A
1929 by Donald F Duncan.

B
Dammit!

A
The toy was actually based on a weapon used by the 16th century Filipino hunters.

C
Okay, how about this, Captain Smart-sicle.  What are the names of Popeye’s four nephews?

A
(confused)
What?

C
Popeye's four nephews.  Go, you facting genius.

B
You have three seconds 1 ... 2 ...

A
(actually stumped)
Uhhh.

B
3!  HA!  Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye and Poopeye.

C
And we have a winner!

A
Uh-huh.  No.  Once again, we bear witness to the rearing of the ugly head of the opinion.

C
It was the right answer!

A
(infuriated)
The last name he said was "Poopeye"!  

C
That was one of the names.

A
This is lunacy ...

B
No lunacy is a term referring to mental illness. Stemming from the prefex luna. A term left over from ancient times when the moon was thought to cause insanity and mental problems.

C
Hey, you won't believe it, but theres a full moon tonight.

B
That explains SO much!

A
(sarcastic)
Ah-hah-hah.  So funny.
(turns off cam)

B
Do you think he's going crazy from the full moon?

C
(chuckles)
It's very possible, my friend, very possible.

B
Really?

C
Of course not, Poopeye, I’m kidding.  Hey, see you next time.

B
See ya later.
(turns off cam)

C
(smiles and turns off cam)

END



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