Written by Jordan Krumbine

CHARACTERS
A
B
C

TITLES

A
I'm giving up on women.

B
Whoa.  Really?

C
You're giving up on women?

A
I'm giving up on women.

B
Like, completely?

A
I've had enough.

C
So no more women for you?

A
What I've had has been enough.  No more.

B
So ...

A
Enough is enough is enough.

B
Does this mean you're gay now?

A
What?!

C
That's what it sounds like to me.

A
I'm not gay!

B
You just said you're giving up on women.

C
You said enough was enough.

B
That sounds like you're gay.

A
I'm not gay!

B
Are you sure?

C
You've always struck me as a little gay.

B
A little gay?  How can you be a little gay?

C
Don't ask me!  Ask the guy who's a little gay.

A
I'm giving up women because I've had enough of them, not because I'm suddenly gay.

B
You know, I don't really think you can "suddenly" be gay.  It's just this thing that you are or you aren't.

C
Unless you've lived very long in denial.

B
How do you mean?

C
If you've been living in denial and then quickly got over it, then you'd suddenly be gay.

A
I'm not gay!  I just don't like women anymore.

B
Okay, this is confusing ...

A
They are very, very crazy.

C
Gays?

A
Women!

C
So you're gay now because women are crazy?

A
No!  Women are crazy and I'm not gay.

B
But you're giving up women.

A
I'm DONE with women.

C
But you're not gay?

A
No, definitely not.

B
Dude, he's totally gay.

C
There's no way he couldn't be gay!

A
I'm not gay!

B
Do you think if you keep repeating that it'll become true?

C
Hey, can I ask a question?

A
WHAT?!

C
Why are you giving up on women?

B
Because they're all crazy, remember?  He just said that.

A
I'm giving up on women because the last girl I'll ever love is a lesbian.

C
You're in love with a lesbian?

B
That sounds a little gay to me.

C
Very gay.

A
She's gay!  I'm straight!

B
Yeah, but this whole situation is a little gay.

C
It's very gay to be straight and in love with a lesbian.

B
Why would you fall in love with a lesbian?

A
Because she's perfect in every way imaginable!  Believe me, I tried NOT to be in love with her.

C
And?

A
And it didn't work.

B
It didn't work?

A
I tried!

C
How did it not work?

A
It didn't work because I love her.

B
Because you're gay?

A
Because I'm straight.  She's gay.

C
So that's it?  You're giving up on women because you fell in love with a lesbian?

A
I'm giving up on women because I fell in love with a desperate lesbian!

B
She's desperate now?

A
She was always desperate.

B
Well, you didn't mention it before.

C
You really didn't.

A
She's a desperate lesbian who will do anything to get laid.  Just not a guy.

B
And the pieces start falling into place.

A
So desperate for sex, but won't even consider the man who loves her.

C
Well, you can't blame her.

A
Why the hell not?

C
For starters, she's gay.

B
And you're a dude.

A
I love her!

C
And you're kinda gay yourself.  A gay man and a gay woman can never be together.

B
It's like an abomination of nature.

A
I so hate you guys.

C
Oh, no you don't.

A
I hate women.

B
You're giving up on women, you don't hate them.

C
Generally speaking, gay men don't really hate much of anything.

A
I'M NOT GAY!

B
Sure you aren't ....

END



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