Written by Jordan Krumbine

A - Female
B - Male
C - 

A
I think I’m in love.

B
I’m sorry?

A
I said I think I’m in love.

B
No, I heard you, I was just expressing my condolences.

A
... you’re a jackass.

B
Of this, I am aware.

A
You’re aware that you’re a jackass?

B
That I am.

A
And yet you persist in your jackassiness.

B
Although I’m fairly certain that jackassiness is not a real word, I am compelled to agree with your general thesis.

A
I hate you.

B
Ah, but you just said you love me.

A
I said I’m IN love.  Not with you.  Ass.

B
Can I ask you a question?

A
Who am I in love with?

B
No.  Why do you have to be so cruel?

A
What, you don’t care who I’m in love with?

B
I didn’t say that.

A
You’re more interested in asking me about this false perception of cruelty than about the man who’s stolen my heart.

B
Wow, yet another misinterpretation of the truth.

A
Misinterpretation of the truth?

B
Lies.  Damn lies.

A
I don’t even know why I talk to you ...

B
It’s my effervescent personality.

A
You should try cutting back.  All that effervescence is making me nauseous.

B
There’s nothing false about it.

A
What?

B
There’s nothing false about it.

A
I heard you the first time.  Nothing false about me being nauseous?

B
You said that I was more interested in asking you about a false perception of cruelty.

A
Oh my god, you’re still on that?

B
There’s nothing false about it.

A
I’m not cruel!

B
You proclaimed that you hate me and then stated that you weren’t in love with me.  That sounds cruel to me.

A
Well, geez, when you put it that way--

B
If there’s any other way to put it, it far exceeds my admittedly vast cognitive abilities.

A
Okay, yeah, I must be the cruelest person alive cause I am hating the HELL out of you right now.

B
(shrugs)
I get that sometimes.

C
This is amazing.

A
This is depressing.

B
On the whole, I find this to be remarkably uninteresting.

C
How can you be so blasé about this?

B
Tenacious indifference.

C
I’m sorry?

B
Yes, yes you are.

C
What?

A
Oh, god ...

B
Tenacious indifference.  I endeavor to maintain a high level of tenacity while remaining indifferent to all that surrounds me.

C
Does ANYBODY actually like you?

B
Not that I’m aware of.

C
And this doesn’t bother you?

B
Of course not.

C
Because of the tenacious indifference?

B
Because of the tenacious indifference.

C
Well, I’d still like to know.

B
(confused)
... know what?

C
She’s in love with someone.  I’d like to know who.

B
Whom.  And really?  That just doesn’t seem like it would be very interesting.

A
NOTHING is very interesting to you.

B
Be that as it may, I hardly see that as an excuse for you to suddenly express for whom you feel inexplicably attracted to.

C
Yeah, but I want to know.

A
I’m in a love with a gorgeous guy.

B
See, I can practically feel the tepid disappointment enveloping us as we speak.  It’s a good thing I don’t care, for in my own heart I carry the torch of--

C
Tenacious indifference?

B
Tenacious indifference.

A
He’s totally dreamy.  He has these enormous blue eyes and huge arms and his chest--

B
Does he also have hands?

A
What?

B
You seem to be listing off all his body parts.  He has hands to go with the large arms and chest?  Does he have a nose as well?  Legs?  Feet?

C
Whoa, what happened to the tenacious indifference?

B
Oh, it’s still there.  These words coming out of my mouth?  I don’t really care about them.

C
Wow.

B
I know.

A
I hate you.

B
I know that, too.

A
Because I’m cruel?

B
Because you already said that.

A
Oh, I REALLY hate you now.

B
(shrugs)
I get that.

C
I kinda hate you, too.

B
Etcetera, etcetera, ad nauseum.

C
And yet I am utterly in awe of this tenacious indifference.

B
It is awe-inspiring.

A
Ugh.

C
Can you teach me?

B
Probably not.

C
Dammit.  Is that coming from you or the tenacious indifference?

B
Does it matter?

C
(realizing the lesson that was just taught)
Wait ... fine.  Don’t teach me.  I don’t care.

B
Ooh, touché.  Well done.

END



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