KRUMBCO - Creative by Jordan Krumbine
  • KRUMBCO
  • Videos
    • Subscribe to Krumbine
    • Webcams (a video chat collab series)
    • Animated by Krumbine
    • Behind the Final Cut
    • Caffeine (a self-made feature film)
    • Portfolio
  • Emergency Creative
    • Blogs
    • Short Stories
    • Books on Amazon
    • Motherfuzzers Comic
    • Seminal Works Comic
  • Caffeine: A Feature Film

[conversations] about the devil's nutsack

8/9/2010

Comments

 
Yeah, this was just something random that I had in me.  And it's good to get this kind of shit out, you know?  Otherwise it festers and turns into a nasty, puss-filled, alien shit-worm that consumes all your good ideas.  Or something like that.  Click past the break for the verbal (typed?) diarrhea.

“So ... what do you do?” 
“... what do I do?  Really, you want to know what I do?” 
“Sure, why not?” 
“Because a man should never have to be judged by what he does.” 
“Oh, really?  I don’t think I’ve heard it that way before.” 
“There’s a war in Afghanistan.  A soldier’s sole purpose is to kill the enemy.  You know nothing else about him and you want to judge him on the single fact that he kills people?” 
“Are you a soldier in Afghanistan?” 
“That’s not the point.” 
“What is?” 
“The point is that a man should never have to be judged by what he does.” 
“I thought actions speak louder than words.  What is an action if not something that one does?” 
“Is this the existential hour at the Black Box?”
“You’re the one who doesn’t want to answer the question.” 
“I don’t want to answer the question because it’s bullshit.” 
“You think maybe I want to come to that conclusion on my own?” 
“I think that if you were interested in and or capable of coming to that conclusion on your own, you wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place.” 
“Well, if you want me to judge you based on your words and not what you do, I have to tell you, you’re not doing so well, hotshot.” 
“And here I thought I was at the top of my game.” 
“If the top of your game is playing against handicapped little leaguers, than I’d say you’re about par.” 
“Can we get off sports, please?  Physical activity that doesn’t involve an orgasm or imminent death makes me uncomfortable.” 
“We could talk about what you do.” 
“You have a seriously one-track mind.” 
“It helps me with what I do.” 
“Which is?” 
“I asked you first.” 
“You know, I’m not sure I like you.” 
“You’re still talking to me.” 
“This is true.”
“And you haven’t stopped checking me out since I sat down.” 
“This is also true.  But what did we say about not judging a man by what he does?” 
“I’m sorry, was I not clear?  I meant what you do for a career?” 
“A career?  Or what I do to make money?  Those two things aren’t exactly attached at the hip, you know?” 
“Do you have a career?” 
“I make money.” 
“Doing what?” 
“Randomly chatting up women at depressingly dark bars.” 
“What, is that supposed to be a joke?” 
“Was it not funny?” 
“It could use some work.” 
“I guess that’s the sound of my stand-up career flying out the window, huh?” 
“At least you have something to fall back on.” 
“Do I?” 
“You tell me.”
“You’re very persistent, you know that?”
“Something else that helps me with what I do.” 
“And that was, again?” 
“I’m a reporter for channel thirteen.” 
“The local twenty-four hour news station?”
“That’s it.  You watch?”
“Never.  I hate local news.”
“I’d say that hurts my feelings, but I kind of hate local news, too.”
“Would you look at that?  Common ground.  And you barely even know me.” 
“I’m still waiting for you to rectify that.  Where do you work?”
“Okay, fine.  I work at morally and ethically bankrupt corporation devoted to ruining people’s lives.” 
“Sounds horrific.”
“You have no idea.”
“So what do you do?" 
“I sell timeshares.”
“Ouch.” 
“Well, I don’t sell them.  I process the contracts.  It’s kind of like holding the devil’s nutsack as he buttfucks your parents out of their retirement money.  You’re not actually committing the violation itself, but you’ve got your hand in the process.”
“I can tell you hold your employer in the highest regards.”
“What can I say?  I have what most would call an admirable work ethic.” 
“I can tell.”
“So?” 
“What?” 
“Aren’t you going to ask why I work in timeshares when I clearly loathe it?” 
“I wasn’t planning on it, no.” 
“What happened to having a one-track mind and being persistent?” 
“Nothing happened.  I only have to be persistent for so long.  After a while, the flood gates just open up.” 
“Oh, you think you’ve cracked me, is that it?” 
“I know I’ve cracked you.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“You asked me if I wanted know why.”
“I asked you if you were going to ASK why.”
“Is there a difference?” 
“Maybe.”
“Maybe not.”
“Are you going to ask?” 
“Are you going to tell?” 
“Only if you want to know.”
“I’m still talking to you, aren’t I?” 
“... it pays the bills.”
“You hold the devil’s nutsack because it pays the bills?” 
“You make it sound so depraved.”
“I’m using your words.  If it sounds depraved, you only have yourself to blame.” 
“Maybe it just sounds naughtier coming from you.”
“Maybe you’re unaware of just how depraved your own mind is.”
“More improbable words have never been spoken.  Not to my face, at least.” 
“There you go, a new experience for you.”
“And I thought the whole handholding of the devil’s nutsack was the pinnacle of that mountain for me.”
“Stick with me, hotshot, and that’s just the beginning.”
“I think I like the way you tease.” 
“I think you’re going to like some other things, too.”
“I think you’re right.”
 
END
Comments
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    KRUMBINE.NET
    Jordan Krumbine's Blog

    The anguished musings of a jack-of-all trades creative professional based out of Longwood,  Florida. Find out more about him here. You know, if that's your 'thing'.

    Most of my production music is original but if I need something extra-special, I usually get it from AudioNautix.com:
    Picture

    Picture

    Jordan Krumbine's Seminal Works
    (Jordan's amazingly creative webcomic. Click to read.)


    Books by Jordan Krumbine:

    Picture
    Max Nebula and the Time-Tripping Damsel in Distress by Jordan Krumbine
    Religiously Roasted Every Goddamn Day -- a novella by Jordan Krumbine
    Explorers of the Unknown: Vampires! a novel by Jordan Krumbine
    BORC-9: a story about a boy and his trash can. A children's novel by Jordan Krumbine

    Jordan made a feature film, too? You betcha.

    Picture

    Archives

    February 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    February 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    October 2008
    September 2008
    August 2008
    July 2008


    RSS Feed

    Google+

All content © 2009-2021 Jordan Krumbine (unless otherwise noted)
Photo used under Creative Commons from jm3
  • KRUMBCO
  • Videos
    • Subscribe to Krumbine
    • Webcams (a video chat collab series)
    • Animated by Krumbine
    • Behind the Final Cut
    • Caffeine (a self-made feature film)
    • Portfolio
  • Emergency Creative
    • Blogs
    • Short Stories
    • Books on Amazon
    • Motherfuzzers Comic
    • Seminal Works Comic
  • Caffeine: A Feature Film