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Of Darksiders and Nerdfighters

4/13/2009

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And now, not because I'm a trend whore but because I must justify throw-away words that were posted in random comments across youtube, I bring you the tale of The Darkside of Krumbination vs. The Nerdfighters.

But before we do that, tell me if this is a good title for a movie: "Zombie Jesus vs Alien Shit Slugs 9: Guess Who's (Second) Coming to Dinner?"??  The idea is that the alien shit slugs from outer space invade a quite little bible camp that's across the lake from, um, a stripper boot-camp.  Yeah!  That's good ... and humanity's last chance at survival is zombification through the undead Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Oh, and by the by, happy Easter, kids!

If you pay any attention to my immediate youtube circle, you know what the Darkside is, what Krumbination is, and--if you're REALLY good--you know what Beanyism is.  You might even be vaguely aware of Nerdfighters, although that has nothing to do with my youtube circle but that explains why I myself am vaguely aware of them.

Heather-Maria suggested we take on the Nerdfighters.  To which I responded with: "Krumbination vs Nerdfighters battle ROYALE!!!" (or something equally as retarded).

At which point, these random ramblings were picked up by an apparent legion of the Nerdfighter, er, legions ... Obsquatch, who immediately found himself torn between the proverbial light and dark side of the force.

Obsy provided an interesting, hypothetical breakdown of what might happen should the Darkside and the Nerdfighters actually wage war.

Let me just say ... it wasn't pretty.  For the Darksiders.

Obsquatch went into great detail on how many Nerdfighters the Four Horsemen would each subdue in this hypothetical battle.  (The Four Horsemen of the Darkside being myself, Heather-Maria, Middlebrook, and Sabino--Depointless.  Although, at this point I think KatConfidential would be a better horseman with her four foot penis that squirts chocolate milk.)  Ultimately, though, Obsy proclaimed the Nerdfighters would win the day.

Hypothetically, of course.

Heather-Maria was quick to point out that Obsquatch is a fucking backstabbing traitor.

I'm more keen to point out that this whole battle royale is hypothetical and, were it to actually unfold, the Darksiders would ultimately win.  Let me tell you why:

First, in case you hadn't caught on yet, Obsquatch's analysis is purely hypothetical.  None of the details he points out will ever having any bearing on the actual battle.

Mainly because the Nerdfighters will never receive an invitation.

Which is not to say that there WON'T be a Battle Royale ... just that the Nerdfighters won't be invited and the Darksiders will win by default.

Hey, c'mon, we're the Darksiders--no one ever said we'd play fair.

Now, let's assume that the evil Nerdfighters somehow actually learned of the location of the battle royale ... tell me, what Nerdfighter would actually be stupid enough to show up?  Really?!  These people have GOT to have something better to do with their time.

And the shockingly few that do show up?  Hell, they were Darksiders to begin with and just didn't know it.


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    Religiously Roasted Every Goddamn Day -- a novella by Jordan Krumbine
    Explorers of the Unknown: Vampires! a novel by Jordan Krumbine
    BORC-9: a story about a boy and his trash can. A children's novel by Jordan Krumbine

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  • KRUMBCO
  • Videos
    • Subscribe to Krumbine
    • Webcams (a video chat collab series)
    • Animated by Krumbine
    • Behind the Final Cut
    • Caffeine (a self-made feature film)
    • Portfolio
  • Emergency Creative
    • Blogs
    • Short Stories
    • Wattpad
    • Books on Amazon
    • Comics by Krumbine
  • Caffeine: A Feature Film