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First thing's first: there is no first. Starting things is way too difficult. Secondly: that was easy, huh? I've updated the sidebar to better describe what I'm attempting with this particular blog entry (apologies to anyone reading this in the distant future: I know I've changed the sidebar many times since April 11, 2011, and the description I'm referring to has likely been long since replaced. In fact, I strongly suspect that in the distant future, this blog won't even exist, which means you Future People aren't even reading it, which means my apologies are falling on deaf, nonexistent ears. Bastards. The ears, not the nonexistent Future People. Sorry--dammit! Nevermind.) It has recently been brought to my attention (recently: sixty seconds ago) that it behooves me to copy the new blog description into the body of this post .... you know, for posterity's sake. And for the sake of the nonexistent Future People. I mean, come on--just because they don't yet exist doesn't mean they're not people. Or rather, they won't BE people. Become people? You know what the real problem is? You think that just because they live in the future and you live in the present, you're somehow better than they are. Well, let me tell you something: you're probably right. Mainly because the nonexistent Future People don't actually exist yet. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOUR HATEFUL DISCRIMINATION ANY BETTER!!! Yep, that's a little bit of the Rage Cannon, for you, shooting missiles of Bouncy Rubber Truth Balls that will rattle within the walls of your closed-off mind until they drive you straight to insanity, right after zipping through Taco Bell's late-night drive-thru. .... follow me past the break to see if I start making any sense. And for the blog description that you're oh-so curious about, dear Future People. My guess is that I probably won't. Make sense. Dammit, follow a conversation, will you? SEMINAL WORKS ARE FOR PORNSTARSOne man's quest to stay creative. Or: The 12-Step Guide to Unleashing Your Creativity (in 101 Easy Steps!) I once broke up with a girlfriend. Yes, it's true, I don't always let the ladies do all the dirty work. Although I do admit that I like a woman in men's clothes. I also like men in women's clothes, but I hardly think that's relevant. At any rate, at the very end, I told my ex-girlfriend that I wanted to leave her with something to remember me by. So I punched her in the nose. The previous paragraph was a joke. I hate seeing men in women's clothes. It's completely unnatural and the mere statement raises far too many questions about my stallion-esque manliness. If you know me and were able to read the last sentence without giggling, you're more of a man than I am. Wait. The LAST paragraph was about punching the ex-girlfriend in the nose. Right. That was a joke, too. Really, I'm not trying to be self-deprecating. (Why does that have to sound and look like defecating?!) In related news: my birthday was on April 8th, but I kind of wish I had been born on April 1st. Congratulations, it's a girl! No, just kidding! April Fools! What a strapping young baby boy. Haha! April Fools! Knock-knock. Who's there? Something better than a baby boy. Something Better Than a Baby Boy who? Something better than a baby boy that just so happens to be a fully-grown eagle-man with the mind of a genius and the heart of a lion! Wait, really? No, of course not! April Fools! Just like the Rug Of Contradictions, I won't lie: this blog has gotten away from me.
To surmise: I have no idea what I'm talking about, as I suspect you don't either. But that's okay, because by the time the nonexistent Future People read this, well, no one will give a damn. Good night. And stay creative. |
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