Explorers of the Unknown:
DISASTERGEDDON!
By Jordan Krumbine
The First Five Chapters
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1
Timmy Topswell awoke with a start. He sat up in his bed and wiped beaded sweat from his forehead. For some reason he had been dreaming about flowers, which in and of itself was rather peculiar. Being eight years old, Timmy didn't have much interest in flowers. What young Timmy was actually interested in were things like dinosaurs, lightsabers, dinosaurs, and books about dinosaurs.
Timmy really liked dinosaurs.
In fact, the bed he was currently resting on was a giant triceratops that had its middle hollowed out for the mattress. Around his room there were a large number of dinosaur-themed decorations, furniture, and other random paraphernalia: posters of giant carnivores; brachiosaurus bookends; a dino-themed desk and chair; and a ceiling fan that featured dinosaur tails as blades.
Timmy's bedsheets were officially licensed Jurassic Park sheets.
And despite the boy’s overwhelming obsession with dinosaurs, what was really bothersome was the dream about the flowers. The simple fact that he was dreaming about flowers was weird enough. But when the flower buds opened up to expose giant, gaping maws lined with razor sharp teeth––well, then Timmy really got freaked out.
But it wasn't the disturbing, nightmarish twist in flower dream that woke him up. No, it was something else and Timmy couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was early Saturday morning, so he was sure it had nothing to do with getting ready for school. Timmy shifted under his covers, realized he had to pee, and figured it must have been the call of nature that had woken him.
Timmy climbed out of his triceratops bed and trudged to the adjoining bathroom. After he passed the bedroom window that faced the Topswell’s large backyard, a dark and thoroughly ominous shadow fell across the window sill as something blotted out the sun. Timmy, of course, did not notice this. Nor did he notice as the shadow promptly moved past the window.
As Timmy relieved himself, he remembered a detail about his nightmare and realized the need to pee wasn’t what woke him up. This revelation took place midstream, as many profound realizations tend to.
In his dream, after exposing its gaping, razor-blade lined maw, one of the flowers (a particularly large daisy) ripped up its roots as it grew larger and larger, and started clomping towards Timmy. He specifically remembered this detail because with each step of its massive roots, the ground gave shudder that rattled Timmy’s bones.
Young Timmy finished his business and was about to flush the toilet when he saw the water in the bowl ripple outward from the center. He looked closer and saw another ripple expand from the center.
A ceramic soap dish chattered on the counter next to the sink.
Once again, another ripple expanded in the toilet bowl and this time Timmy could feel the ground shudder under his feet.
Just like in his nightmare.
Timmy stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes wide with a curious sort of horror. Thoughts raced through his head as he tried to make sense of the unstable ground. He found himself standing before his bedroom window, looking out into the backyard.
The ground gave another shudder and little Timmy’s already wide eyes turned into small saucers.
Beyond his second-floor window, a Tyrannosaurus Rex lowered its head and peered in at Timmy.
A tense moment passed as the boy and the dinosaur stared at each other.
Timmy tilted his head in complete awe of the massive beast outside his bedroom window. Although he knew better, it was suddenly very hard to believe that dinosaurs had been extinct for sixty-five million years.
The T-Rex leaned close, his hot breath fogging the window.
And then little Timmy realized that a massive T-Rex in his backyard was actually a terrifying prospect.
“AAAHHH!!!”
The T-Rex reared back and let out a bellowing roar of its own, the force of its cry causing the window to rattle in its grooves.
Clearly at a loss for what to do, little Timmy screamed again.
Timmy really liked dinosaurs.
In fact, the bed he was currently resting on was a giant triceratops that had its middle hollowed out for the mattress. Around his room there were a large number of dinosaur-themed decorations, furniture, and other random paraphernalia: posters of giant carnivores; brachiosaurus bookends; a dino-themed desk and chair; and a ceiling fan that featured dinosaur tails as blades.
Timmy's bedsheets were officially licensed Jurassic Park sheets.
And despite the boy’s overwhelming obsession with dinosaurs, what was really bothersome was the dream about the flowers. The simple fact that he was dreaming about flowers was weird enough. But when the flower buds opened up to expose giant, gaping maws lined with razor sharp teeth––well, then Timmy really got freaked out.
But it wasn't the disturbing, nightmarish twist in flower dream that woke him up. No, it was something else and Timmy couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was early Saturday morning, so he was sure it had nothing to do with getting ready for school. Timmy shifted under his covers, realized he had to pee, and figured it must have been the call of nature that had woken him.
Timmy climbed out of his triceratops bed and trudged to the adjoining bathroom. After he passed the bedroom window that faced the Topswell’s large backyard, a dark and thoroughly ominous shadow fell across the window sill as something blotted out the sun. Timmy, of course, did not notice this. Nor did he notice as the shadow promptly moved past the window.
As Timmy relieved himself, he remembered a detail about his nightmare and realized the need to pee wasn’t what woke him up. This revelation took place midstream, as many profound realizations tend to.
In his dream, after exposing its gaping, razor-blade lined maw, one of the flowers (a particularly large daisy) ripped up its roots as it grew larger and larger, and started clomping towards Timmy. He specifically remembered this detail because with each step of its massive roots, the ground gave shudder that rattled Timmy’s bones.
Young Timmy finished his business and was about to flush the toilet when he saw the water in the bowl ripple outward from the center. He looked closer and saw another ripple expand from the center.
A ceramic soap dish chattered on the counter next to the sink.
Once again, another ripple expanded in the toilet bowl and this time Timmy could feel the ground shudder under his feet.
Just like in his nightmare.
Timmy stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes wide with a curious sort of horror. Thoughts raced through his head as he tried to make sense of the unstable ground. He found himself standing before his bedroom window, looking out into the backyard.
The ground gave another shudder and little Timmy’s already wide eyes turned into small saucers.
Beyond his second-floor window, a Tyrannosaurus Rex lowered its head and peered in at Timmy.
A tense moment passed as the boy and the dinosaur stared at each other.
Timmy tilted his head in complete awe of the massive beast outside his bedroom window. Although he knew better, it was suddenly very hard to believe that dinosaurs had been extinct for sixty-five million years.
The T-Rex leaned close, his hot breath fogging the window.
And then little Timmy realized that a massive T-Rex in his backyard was actually a terrifying prospect.
“AAAHHH!!!”
The T-Rex reared back and let out a bellowing roar of its own, the force of its cry causing the window to rattle in its grooves.
Clearly at a loss for what to do, little Timmy screamed again.
2
Jordan’s eyebrow shot up sharply. It was a elevated by a mix of anticipation and irritation, but mostly constipation. The case he had found himself working with his two partners was turning out to be slightly more complicated than anticipated. Usually when the Explorers of the Unknown got a call about a dinosaur in someone’s back yard, the reality of the situation was far tamer. Upon investigation, it would end up having something to do with the neighbors obsession with pet swine or a misplaced gila monster.
Never had it been an actual dinosaur.
Jordan massaged his eyebrow, knowing that an uncontrollable twitch wasn’t far behind. Up until that morning, he had been trying to take advantage of an unexpected break in an otherwise hectic schedule of paranormal investigation. The Explorers of the Unknown, after all, had just managed to negated the existence of a race of sadly misguided library vampires through the haphazard use of time travel which ultimately left Jordan’s older brother and partner in paranormal investigation with all the powers of a vampire and nearly none of their weaknesses.
Stuff like that has a way of taking an emotional toll on a person.
Jordan’s brother, Jason, was a half-vampire. A psychologist would point out that this was a terrible outcome for an individual who routinely battles an unhealthy addiction to action, adventure, and other really exciting things. Fortunately, Jason and his newfound vampiric-strength wasn’t the weirdest thing about the Explorers of the Unknown. That particular honor went to the third member of the trio who had the incredible ability to stretch any part of his anatomy like a rubber band–– but that will be explained in detail later.
While Jason’s whole half-vampire thing had been an unfortunate and unexpected extra stressor in Jordan’s life, it was by no means odd. Neither, for that matter, was the third member’s superhero-ish stretchy abilities. Between being investigators of all things paranormal and also living in what is arguably the weirdest place in the world (Greenville, USA––the name itself is enough to raise an eyebrow or two), Jordan was fairly accustomed to radically peculiar things.
Investigating a full-fledged dinosaur in the backyard of a suburban home, however, was really stretching the definition. But it’s what the Explorers of the Unknown did. And dinosaurs in suburbia was definitely unknown.
The irritation Jordan was experiencing was due to the singular detail that their would-be clients––Mr. and Mrs. Topswell of 231 Harporsville Way, parents of little Timmy Topswell––seemed oblivious to the fact that in order for the paranormal investigators to investigate, they would have to, invariably, ask questions.
Jordan smoothed the front of his buttoned, brown vest. He wore it with matching slacks and a white, long-sleeved dress shirt. He pushed his black-framed glasses up his nose and ran a hand through his black hair. He sighed and turned to face the Topswell family.
Timmy’s father sported a traditional male-pattern bald spot, the half circle of hair on his head was a graying brown. He had a pronounced beer-belly and a scowl that briefly made Jordan want to giggle. Of course, Jordan didn’t actually giggle–– that would have been rude and inappropriate––but the man’s facial expression was just about as silly as they came with his angry eyes and red, puffy face. After all the other ridiculous stress Jordan found himself dealing with, it’s hard to blame the guy for finding a small bit of entertainment at an inappropriate time.
Sitting next to her husband was the apparently prim-and-proper Mrs. Topswell. It had taken Jordan a single glance to determine that this was merely a show she performed whenever the family had guests over. From the way she kept glancing at her fingernails, Jordan concluded that beneath the surface, there was a boiling intensity that was likely fueled by a strong case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Jordan suspected that given even the smallest opportunity, an insanity that would even embarrass professional, institutionalized crazy people would come spewing out like an erupting volcano.
Sitting between his parents, little Timmy swung his dangling feet, knocking the heels of his plush, triceratops slippers against the couch. Timmy’s hair was a disheveled mess that somehow stuck straight up. Jordan found himself studying it quietly, trying to ascertain how it managed to defy gravity so efficiently.
Mrs. Topswell cleared her throat in order to get his attention. And it did, because it was a high-pitched, warbling noise that would have sounded more appropriate coming from a dying spider monkey than a grown woman.
“Right,” Jordan said with a nod. “Let’s see if we can’t go over this one more time. How long has it been back there?”
“What? You mean the dinosaur?” Mr. Topswell said, his voice raspy from yelling and his scowl beginning to look sadly permanent. “You’re talking about the dinosaur in my backyard, right? Just so we’re clear, I mean––”
“It’s been about an hour, now,” Mrs. Topswell interjected, her voice unpleasantly squeaky.
Jordan nodded. “Okay. Interesting. Now, since it showed up, you’re sure that the dinosaur hasn’t done anything, right? It’s just standing out there in the backyard?”
“T-Rex,” little Timmy quipped. “It’s called a T-Rex, like in Jurassic Park.”
“Yes. Right. Has the, uh ...” Jordan trailed off, still not believing he was uttering the words himself. “Has the T-Rex actually done anything?”
“Well, it’s ...” Mrs. Topswell’s mouth quivered for the briefest of moments, “it’s paced the yard. Does that count?”
“That damn thing is tearing up my lawn!” Mr. Topswell exclaimed.
Jordan regarded Timmy’s father with a newfound sense of unease. It took a special kind of person to be more concerned about the health of his grass than the physical presence of a Tyrannosaurus Rex in his backyard.
“Okay,” Jordan said slowly, trying not to lose control of the situation. “And you wouldn’t have any idea as to where the T-Rex might have come from ... would you?”
Mrs. Topswell blinked at Jordan and he felt a dark fear well up inside as he realized that as he might have said the one thing that would have cost him all control. After an agonizingly pregnant pause, she said: “... excuse me?”
Jordan hesitated in his response, deathly afraid of the surely rampant insanity lurked behind Mrs. Topswell’s eyes. “Th-the dinosaur ... do you know where it came from?”
The explosion came not from Timmy’s mother, but his father.
“Of course we don’t know where it came from! How the hell could we?!” Mr. Topswell roared, his face growing beet-red. “And even if we did, do you think we would have called a bunch of boneheaded, new-age, hippie detectives like you?! You’re the so-called ‘Explorers of the Unknown’,”––Mr. Topswell pointed emphatically at the backyard––“that’s pretty unknown back there. Explore!”
Jordan took a deep breath, reminding himself that any and all stress was happily justified with cold, hard cash and the invoice the Topswell’s would be receiving at the end of the investigation would demand a lot of said cash. Plus, the suburban wife appeared to be in more control of her quiet insanity than Jordan had anticipated––surely that was a good sign.
“Sir,” Jordan said, doing his best to make his voice sound reassuring, “I’m simply trying to cover all the bases, here.”
Mrs. Topswell’s eyes popped.
Jordan gulped.
“Cover all the bases? Cover all the bases?!” Mrs. Topswell’s already shrill voice rose another octave and sent chills down Jordan’s spine. “There is a dinosaur in my backyard, you ... you ... you mentally handicapped idiot-ass! You tell me what else is there to cover?!”
Jordan wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to “mentally handicapped idiot-ass”. Furthermore, he wasn’t exactly confident he would be able to maintain control over the situation for much longer. Which was ironic, considering that most people would think that the Tyrannosaurus Rex in the backyard (which was no more than fifty feet away) to be the more challenging of situations.
“Ma’am, please remain calm,” Jordan said, fully aware of the futility in his words. There was no way that Mrs. Topswell was coming back from the dark and twisted place she was going. “It’s often been my experience that even the tiniest of details can be the most revealing in times of crisis. In fact,” he continued, getting a distant look in his eye, “I remember this one time when we were investigating these vampires that were holed up in a library and––”
“There’s a dinosaur in my backyard!” Mrs. Topswell screamed.
Jordan sighed and rubbed his temple. She was definitely gone, now. All hope of a calm and sane investigation was gone. It was time to get the ball rolling and deal with the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
“Jason?” Jordan said.
“Yo?”
“Exactly how big is this thing?”
Jordan’s brother, partner, action-junkie, and the definitive muscle behind the Explorers of the Unknown was standing across the living room. Jason’s broad shoulders filled out his leather jacket and he wore a comfortable pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. His chin was strong––that of your typical manly, hero character–– and he had long black hair that was pulled back into a tidy pony tail because everyone knows that real men have pony tails.
Duh.
Jason stuck his fingers between the blinds and looked out the window into the backyard. The T-Rex leaned down, swinging it’s girth across the yard, towards the house, and stopping when it’s face was right outside the window. The T-Rex grunted at Jason, making the window rattle.
“Eh, you know,” Jason said, shrugging nonchalantly as he turned to Jordan and the Topswell’s. “Pretty big.”
Jordan dropped his head in a single nod. “Alright. Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a situation.”
Mrs. Topswell was about to respond––no doubt exploding in indecipherable fits of crazy––but Jordan was getting down to business and really wasn’t interested in the woman’s personal problems.
“Listen, I think it’ll be best if you three weren’t here right now,” Jordan told the Topswell’s. “This situation is highly volatile and I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
Timmy’s eyes went wide with concern. “What’s gonna happen to the T-Rex?”
“What’s going to happen to my house?!” Mrs. Topswell shrilled.
“Nothing,” Jordan replied quickly. “Absolutely nothing.” He thought for a second and then added: “Hopefully. It’s just that, historically, when we deal with situations like this, things tend to get a bit, well, unpredictable.”
The three members of the Topswell family stared at Jordan, confusion plastered across their faces.
“... unpredictable?” Mr. Topswell asked.
Jordan returned their stare, recalling a number of otherwise tame and orderly investigations that had gone horribly, tragically wrong.. “... yeah,” he said, awkwardly.
Never had it been an actual dinosaur.
Jordan massaged his eyebrow, knowing that an uncontrollable twitch wasn’t far behind. Up until that morning, he had been trying to take advantage of an unexpected break in an otherwise hectic schedule of paranormal investigation. The Explorers of the Unknown, after all, had just managed to negated the existence of a race of sadly misguided library vampires through the haphazard use of time travel which ultimately left Jordan’s older brother and partner in paranormal investigation with all the powers of a vampire and nearly none of their weaknesses.
Stuff like that has a way of taking an emotional toll on a person.
Jordan’s brother, Jason, was a half-vampire. A psychologist would point out that this was a terrible outcome for an individual who routinely battles an unhealthy addiction to action, adventure, and other really exciting things. Fortunately, Jason and his newfound vampiric-strength wasn’t the weirdest thing about the Explorers of the Unknown. That particular honor went to the third member of the trio who had the incredible ability to stretch any part of his anatomy like a rubber band–– but that will be explained in detail later.
While Jason’s whole half-vampire thing had been an unfortunate and unexpected extra stressor in Jordan’s life, it was by no means odd. Neither, for that matter, was the third member’s superhero-ish stretchy abilities. Between being investigators of all things paranormal and also living in what is arguably the weirdest place in the world (Greenville, USA––the name itself is enough to raise an eyebrow or two), Jordan was fairly accustomed to radically peculiar things.
Investigating a full-fledged dinosaur in the backyard of a suburban home, however, was really stretching the definition. But it’s what the Explorers of the Unknown did. And dinosaurs in suburbia was definitely unknown.
The irritation Jordan was experiencing was due to the singular detail that their would-be clients––Mr. and Mrs. Topswell of 231 Harporsville Way, parents of little Timmy Topswell––seemed oblivious to the fact that in order for the paranormal investigators to investigate, they would have to, invariably, ask questions.
Jordan smoothed the front of his buttoned, brown vest. He wore it with matching slacks and a white, long-sleeved dress shirt. He pushed his black-framed glasses up his nose and ran a hand through his black hair. He sighed and turned to face the Topswell family.
Timmy’s father sported a traditional male-pattern bald spot, the half circle of hair on his head was a graying brown. He had a pronounced beer-belly and a scowl that briefly made Jordan want to giggle. Of course, Jordan didn’t actually giggle–– that would have been rude and inappropriate––but the man’s facial expression was just about as silly as they came with his angry eyes and red, puffy face. After all the other ridiculous stress Jordan found himself dealing with, it’s hard to blame the guy for finding a small bit of entertainment at an inappropriate time.
Sitting next to her husband was the apparently prim-and-proper Mrs. Topswell. It had taken Jordan a single glance to determine that this was merely a show she performed whenever the family had guests over. From the way she kept glancing at her fingernails, Jordan concluded that beneath the surface, there was a boiling intensity that was likely fueled by a strong case of obsessive compulsive disorder. Jordan suspected that given even the smallest opportunity, an insanity that would even embarrass professional, institutionalized crazy people would come spewing out like an erupting volcano.
Sitting between his parents, little Timmy swung his dangling feet, knocking the heels of his plush, triceratops slippers against the couch. Timmy’s hair was a disheveled mess that somehow stuck straight up. Jordan found himself studying it quietly, trying to ascertain how it managed to defy gravity so efficiently.
Mrs. Topswell cleared her throat in order to get his attention. And it did, because it was a high-pitched, warbling noise that would have sounded more appropriate coming from a dying spider monkey than a grown woman.
“Right,” Jordan said with a nod. “Let’s see if we can’t go over this one more time. How long has it been back there?”
“What? You mean the dinosaur?” Mr. Topswell said, his voice raspy from yelling and his scowl beginning to look sadly permanent. “You’re talking about the dinosaur in my backyard, right? Just so we’re clear, I mean––”
“It’s been about an hour, now,” Mrs. Topswell interjected, her voice unpleasantly squeaky.
Jordan nodded. “Okay. Interesting. Now, since it showed up, you’re sure that the dinosaur hasn’t done anything, right? It’s just standing out there in the backyard?”
“T-Rex,” little Timmy quipped. “It’s called a T-Rex, like in Jurassic Park.”
“Yes. Right. Has the, uh ...” Jordan trailed off, still not believing he was uttering the words himself. “Has the T-Rex actually done anything?”
“Well, it’s ...” Mrs. Topswell’s mouth quivered for the briefest of moments, “it’s paced the yard. Does that count?”
“That damn thing is tearing up my lawn!” Mr. Topswell exclaimed.
Jordan regarded Timmy’s father with a newfound sense of unease. It took a special kind of person to be more concerned about the health of his grass than the physical presence of a Tyrannosaurus Rex in his backyard.
“Okay,” Jordan said slowly, trying not to lose control of the situation. “And you wouldn’t have any idea as to where the T-Rex might have come from ... would you?”
Mrs. Topswell blinked at Jordan and he felt a dark fear well up inside as he realized that as he might have said the one thing that would have cost him all control. After an agonizingly pregnant pause, she said: “... excuse me?”
Jordan hesitated in his response, deathly afraid of the surely rampant insanity lurked behind Mrs. Topswell’s eyes. “Th-the dinosaur ... do you know where it came from?”
The explosion came not from Timmy’s mother, but his father.
“Of course we don’t know where it came from! How the hell could we?!” Mr. Topswell roared, his face growing beet-red. “And even if we did, do you think we would have called a bunch of boneheaded, new-age, hippie detectives like you?! You’re the so-called ‘Explorers of the Unknown’,”––Mr. Topswell pointed emphatically at the backyard––“that’s pretty unknown back there. Explore!”
Jordan took a deep breath, reminding himself that any and all stress was happily justified with cold, hard cash and the invoice the Topswell’s would be receiving at the end of the investigation would demand a lot of said cash. Plus, the suburban wife appeared to be in more control of her quiet insanity than Jordan had anticipated––surely that was a good sign.
“Sir,” Jordan said, doing his best to make his voice sound reassuring, “I’m simply trying to cover all the bases, here.”
Mrs. Topswell’s eyes popped.
Jordan gulped.
“Cover all the bases? Cover all the bases?!” Mrs. Topswell’s already shrill voice rose another octave and sent chills down Jordan’s spine. “There is a dinosaur in my backyard, you ... you ... you mentally handicapped idiot-ass! You tell me what else is there to cover?!”
Jordan wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to “mentally handicapped idiot-ass”. Furthermore, he wasn’t exactly confident he would be able to maintain control over the situation for much longer. Which was ironic, considering that most people would think that the Tyrannosaurus Rex in the backyard (which was no more than fifty feet away) to be the more challenging of situations.
“Ma’am, please remain calm,” Jordan said, fully aware of the futility in his words. There was no way that Mrs. Topswell was coming back from the dark and twisted place she was going. “It’s often been my experience that even the tiniest of details can be the most revealing in times of crisis. In fact,” he continued, getting a distant look in his eye, “I remember this one time when we were investigating these vampires that were holed up in a library and––”
“There’s a dinosaur in my backyard!” Mrs. Topswell screamed.
Jordan sighed and rubbed his temple. She was definitely gone, now. All hope of a calm and sane investigation was gone. It was time to get the ball rolling and deal with the Tyrannosaurus Rex.
“Jason?” Jordan said.
“Yo?”
“Exactly how big is this thing?”
Jordan’s brother, partner, action-junkie, and the definitive muscle behind the Explorers of the Unknown was standing across the living room. Jason’s broad shoulders filled out his leather jacket and he wore a comfortable pair of jeans and a white T-shirt. His chin was strong––that of your typical manly, hero character–– and he had long black hair that was pulled back into a tidy pony tail because everyone knows that real men have pony tails.
Duh.
Jason stuck his fingers between the blinds and looked out the window into the backyard. The T-Rex leaned down, swinging it’s girth across the yard, towards the house, and stopping when it’s face was right outside the window. The T-Rex grunted at Jason, making the window rattle.
“Eh, you know,” Jason said, shrugging nonchalantly as he turned to Jordan and the Topswell’s. “Pretty big.”
Jordan dropped his head in a single nod. “Alright. Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a situation.”
Mrs. Topswell was about to respond––no doubt exploding in indecipherable fits of crazy––but Jordan was getting down to business and really wasn’t interested in the woman’s personal problems.
“Listen, I think it’ll be best if you three weren’t here right now,” Jordan told the Topswell’s. “This situation is highly volatile and I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
Timmy’s eyes went wide with concern. “What’s gonna happen to the T-Rex?”
“What’s going to happen to my house?!” Mrs. Topswell shrilled.
“Nothing,” Jordan replied quickly. “Absolutely nothing.” He thought for a second and then added: “Hopefully. It’s just that, historically, when we deal with situations like this, things tend to get a bit, well, unpredictable.”
The three members of the Topswell family stared at Jordan, confusion plastered across their faces.
“... unpredictable?” Mr. Topswell asked.
Jordan returned their stare, recalling a number of otherwise tame and orderly investigations that had gone horribly, tragically wrong.. “... yeah,” he said, awkwardly.
***
As previously established, Jason and Jordan are brothers, somewhere in their mid to late twenties. They are the founding members of an elite investigatory team that specializes in the paranormal. Although Jason is the older of the two strapping and incredibly good-looking young men, it is Jordan––with his superior intellect and indefatigable sensibilities––who is considered by all reasonable parties to be the leader of the group.
This is not to say that Jason does not possess the capabilities or the decision-making skills to act like the leader of the Explorers of the Unknown. Just ask him and he’ll happily tell you that six years earlier, during one of three (and a half) genesises of the Explorers of the Unknown, wherein they were trying to sort out all of the annoying little bits and details like who should be the leader of the team, Jason proclaimed himself said leader and has been enjoying the perks ever since.
Jordan really hasn’t had the heart to shatter Jason’s delusions and frequently allows him the opportunity to decide what kind of sauce they should get with their wings when they go out for pizza.
The third member of the team is named Chris. Chris is a tall, gangly sort of fellow with dark skin, bleached blonde hair, and rather frequently is sporting a pair of yellow-tinted specs. Points of interest regarding Chris’ character include his aforementioned ability to stretch any part of his anatomy like a rubber band and the fact that he’s actually an alien from another planet.
Recently, the trio of investigators were involved with a wildly unpredictable altercation involving a motivational speaker named Tom, an auditorium of brainwashed zombies (the mindless kind, not the brainless ones), and a cute British girl named Frankie. While specific details about this event are completely irrelevant to this story, it is important to note that Chris had mentioned to Frankie the fact that he was able to manipulate the size and shape of virtually any part of his body (any part) no less than forty-two times.
One would think that with such a talent, Chris would have an easier time scoring a lady or two. Sadly, he doesn’t.
This is not to say that Jason does not possess the capabilities or the decision-making skills to act like the leader of the Explorers of the Unknown. Just ask him and he’ll happily tell you that six years earlier, during one of three (and a half) genesises of the Explorers of the Unknown, wherein they were trying to sort out all of the annoying little bits and details like who should be the leader of the team, Jason proclaimed himself said leader and has been enjoying the perks ever since.
Jordan really hasn’t had the heart to shatter Jason’s delusions and frequently allows him the opportunity to decide what kind of sauce they should get with their wings when they go out for pizza.
The third member of the team is named Chris. Chris is a tall, gangly sort of fellow with dark skin, bleached blonde hair, and rather frequently is sporting a pair of yellow-tinted specs. Points of interest regarding Chris’ character include his aforementioned ability to stretch any part of his anatomy like a rubber band and the fact that he’s actually an alien from another planet.
Recently, the trio of investigators were involved with a wildly unpredictable altercation involving a motivational speaker named Tom, an auditorium of brainwashed zombies (the mindless kind, not the brainless ones), and a cute British girl named Frankie. While specific details about this event are completely irrelevant to this story, it is important to note that Chris had mentioned to Frankie the fact that he was able to manipulate the size and shape of virtually any part of his body (any part) no less than forty-two times.
One would think that with such a talent, Chris would have an easier time scoring a lady or two. Sadly, he doesn’t.
***
Jason and Jordan stood on a quaint-looking front porch, watching as the Topswell’s drove off in a powder-blue minivan. Jason gave a small wave as the minivan disappeared down the street.
“Good thinking, getting them out of here,” he said.
Jordan nodded. “Yeah. Did you see her eyes? The whole bunch was just a little too crazy for my taste.”
“Uh, yeah,” Jason agreed with a roll of his eyes. “I mean, c’mon. It’s like they’ve never had a dinosaur in their backyard before. Bunch of weirdos, if you ask me.”
Jordan shot Jason a sideways glance, saw that he was being completely serious, and promptly rolled his own eyes. Jason leaned back against the porch railing, a contemplative look in his eyes.
“Kinda makes you wonder, you know?” he said. “Like, if they’re this crazy about a dino, how do you think they’d react to––I dunno––a mutated chia pet possessed by Satan’s hellspawn?”
Jason rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “It really makes you think, you know?”
Chris walked up the driveway from where a forest green Ford Explorer––the official car of the Explorers of the Unknown––was parked. “What’s the dealy-o, guys?”
Jordan shrugged noncommittally. “Looks like your standard bait and shrink. Pretty straight-forward, actually. Chris, you draw the big guy out of the backyard and, you know, try to keep the damage to a minimal––”
Chris shot him a “What, me?” look.
“––and when you get him out to the street, Jason and I will make with the
shrinkage. Pretty simple stuff. Cool?”
Chris opened his mouth to disagree, but Jason cut him off. “Cool like an ice cube, bro.”
Jordan nodded. “Good. Let’s rock and roll.”
“Good thinking, getting them out of here,” he said.
Jordan nodded. “Yeah. Did you see her eyes? The whole bunch was just a little too crazy for my taste.”
“Uh, yeah,” Jason agreed with a roll of his eyes. “I mean, c’mon. It’s like they’ve never had a dinosaur in their backyard before. Bunch of weirdos, if you ask me.”
Jordan shot Jason a sideways glance, saw that he was being completely serious, and promptly rolled his own eyes. Jason leaned back against the porch railing, a contemplative look in his eyes.
“Kinda makes you wonder, you know?” he said. “Like, if they’re this crazy about a dino, how do you think they’d react to––I dunno––a mutated chia pet possessed by Satan’s hellspawn?”
Jason rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “It really makes you think, you know?”
Chris walked up the driveway from where a forest green Ford Explorer––the official car of the Explorers of the Unknown––was parked. “What’s the dealy-o, guys?”
Jordan shrugged noncommittally. “Looks like your standard bait and shrink. Pretty straight-forward, actually. Chris, you draw the big guy out of the backyard and, you know, try to keep the damage to a minimal––”
Chris shot him a “What, me?” look.
“––and when you get him out to the street, Jason and I will make with the
shrinkage. Pretty simple stuff. Cool?”
Chris opened his mouth to disagree, but Jason cut him off. “Cool like an ice cube, bro.”
Jordan nodded. “Good. Let’s rock and roll.”
3
There is much to be said about the forest green Ford Explorer that the Explorers of the Unknown relied on for their transportation. This description becomes even more tantamount when it is understood that in the timeline of all thing EotU, this is effectively the last time the Ford Explorer is ever used. In the near future, Jordan would acquire and retrofit a full-sized RV, and while that seems moderately excessive for a trio of paranormal investigators, it is guaranteed that it will make perfect sense just as soon as the proper context is supplied. That context being a massive underground lair, Martian Mole Men, and zombies.
But that’s all for another story and it’s very unwise to be getting ahead of ourselves.
Jordan bought the Ford Explorer from a junk yard for seven dollars and eighty- six cents (there was sales tax). At the time of purchase, the Explorer was little more than a hunk of metal and fiberglass balanced on three-and-a-half wheels. This was because, sadly, prior to arriving at Honest Joe’s Junk Haven Galore (the best garbage since 1986) the vehicle had belonged to renowned expeditionist Stuart Red. Red had relied on the Explorer rather heavily during his quest for the elusive spotted goldfish (which was rumored to be found in ponds or other standing bodies of water in the Magawabi jungle, deep in the heart of Africa). Surprisingly, the decimated Explorer survived the ordeal much better than its owner, who was found dead the third week into the trip, three golden scales clinging to his pale lips.
Naturally, the Ford Explorer needed a little bit of work before it could be used to serve the purposes of paranormal investigation (which would invariably involve a great deal many trips to the nearest Big Burger Boys). Being the technical genius that he was, Jordan ended up rebuilding the Explorer several times over, constantly adding features, gadgets, and gizmos to the Explorer’s repertoire. Among these whiz-bang sticker features were: a perpetual motion engine that is initiated by a nine-volt battery; temporal displacement and time travel capabilities through Jordan’s patent-pending Space-Time Confabulator (and there’s none of that silly eighty-eight miles an hour business with the Confabulator––just a straight-forward setting of the digital destination display, a witch doctor, and rubber ducky); and thermal cup-holders.
Of course, the most interesting of the additional features (besides the thermal cup-holders) is Jordan’s Giant Shrink-Ray Blaster Gun Thing.
But that’s all for another story and it’s very unwise to be getting ahead of ourselves.
Jordan bought the Ford Explorer from a junk yard for seven dollars and eighty- six cents (there was sales tax). At the time of purchase, the Explorer was little more than a hunk of metal and fiberglass balanced on three-and-a-half wheels. This was because, sadly, prior to arriving at Honest Joe’s Junk Haven Galore (the best garbage since 1986) the vehicle had belonged to renowned expeditionist Stuart Red. Red had relied on the Explorer rather heavily during his quest for the elusive spotted goldfish (which was rumored to be found in ponds or other standing bodies of water in the Magawabi jungle, deep in the heart of Africa). Surprisingly, the decimated Explorer survived the ordeal much better than its owner, who was found dead the third week into the trip, three golden scales clinging to his pale lips.
Naturally, the Ford Explorer needed a little bit of work before it could be used to serve the purposes of paranormal investigation (which would invariably involve a great deal many trips to the nearest Big Burger Boys). Being the technical genius that he was, Jordan ended up rebuilding the Explorer several times over, constantly adding features, gadgets, and gizmos to the Explorer’s repertoire. Among these whiz-bang sticker features were: a perpetual motion engine that is initiated by a nine-volt battery; temporal displacement and time travel capabilities through Jordan’s patent-pending Space-Time Confabulator (and there’s none of that silly eighty-eight miles an hour business with the Confabulator––just a straight-forward setting of the digital destination display, a witch doctor, and rubber ducky); and thermal cup-holders.
Of course, the most interesting of the additional features (besides the thermal cup-holders) is Jordan’s Giant Shrink-Ray Blaster Gun Thing.
***
The Ford Explorer’s engine roared to life (and by roar, of course, the relatively silent, entirely self-sufficient, electro-magnetic engine that is initialized by a nine- volt battery, purred gently like a muted kitten) and Jason gunned it. The tires squealed as the vehicle lurched forward, peeling out of the Topswell’s driveway and down Harporsville Way. (Which, conveniently, was heavily lined with trees and other assorted thick foliage. While the convenience of this point will be revealed shortly, this foreshadowing mainly serves to add suspense to the story. Because plot points involving Tyrannosaurus Rexes in the backyards of suburban homes are clearly lacking in the suspense department.)
“Take us out a good distance,” Jordan said from the passenger seat. “We’re gonna need plenty of road for this to work.”
“Roads?” Jason said, his voice craggy and his eyebrows wiggling dramatically. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
Jason shot Jordan a stupid grin.
“Back to the Future,” he said. “Remember? And then the wheels turned on their sides and they activated the hover capacity––hey, can we get a DeLorean?”
“Okay, first, it was Back to the Future part two,” Jordan said, “and second, no, the DeLorean is a testament to crappy cars.”
“Yeah, but it was so damn cool!” Jason insisted.
“Be that as it may ...” Jordan said, rolling his eyes and trailing off.
Jordan pressed a series of buttons on the dashboard control. He flipped a few switches and then spun two dials––one clockwise, the other counter-clockwise. With a mechanical hiss, a control yoke slid out of the dash and a heads-up-display flipped down from where the visor should have been. He grabbed the control in his hand and made another adjustment to the controls.
A high-pitched whirring filled the cabin of the Explorer and then panels in the hood of the vehicle slid apart and folded down as a massive gun popped up from under the hood. It was, of course, the Giant Shrink-Ray Blaster Gun Thing.
Jason stared at it for a moment. “... did that thing get bigger?”
“Take us out a good distance,” Jordan said from the passenger seat. “We’re gonna need plenty of road for this to work.”
“Roads?” Jason said, his voice craggy and his eyebrows wiggling dramatically. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”
Jason shot Jordan a stupid grin.
“Back to the Future,” he said. “Remember? And then the wheels turned on their sides and they activated the hover capacity––hey, can we get a DeLorean?”
“Okay, first, it was Back to the Future part two,” Jordan said, “and second, no, the DeLorean is a testament to crappy cars.”
“Yeah, but it was so damn cool!” Jason insisted.
“Be that as it may ...” Jordan said, rolling his eyes and trailing off.
Jordan pressed a series of buttons on the dashboard control. He flipped a few switches and then spun two dials––one clockwise, the other counter-clockwise. With a mechanical hiss, a control yoke slid out of the dash and a heads-up-display flipped down from where the visor should have been. He grabbed the control in his hand and made another adjustment to the controls.
A high-pitched whirring filled the cabin of the Explorer and then panels in the hood of the vehicle slid apart and folded down as a massive gun popped up from under the hood. It was, of course, the Giant Shrink-Ray Blaster Gun Thing.
Jason stared at it for a moment. “... did that thing get bigger?”
***
Chris was not having a good day. In fact, his day had been less than spectacular even before Jordan had decided to use him as live bait to lure a Tyrannosaurus Rex out of the backyard of a suburban home. He wasn’t particularly upset over his role in this current task, but he was growing more and more discontent with the way Jason and Jordan continually turned to him for the most reckless and dangerous of activities.
Obviously, being the odd man out in the brother’s team already established him as the proverbial third wheel. But there were other things that stretched the divide. For example: Chris was an alien. Despite his ability to contort like a rubber band, his genetic make-up was essentially the same as a human. Chris just wasn’t from Earth.
To understand this, first you must understand some elementary points on which All Of Existence is based upon. First, our Universe is flat. It is also infinite. Imagine a sheet of paper that has no edges. It simply lies flat and stretches out to infinity in every direction. That’s our Universe. Flat and endless.
Located directly above and below our Universe are the Other Universes. Much in the same way as our Universe stretches out horizontally for infinity, the Other Universes are stacked vertically to infinity. Some of these Other Universes are literal duplicates of our own while others, well, are not.
This is the Omniverse.
Located about forty-two Universes down (and just slightly to the right) there is a Universe that bears a striking resemblance to our own. One major difference is the fact that the inhabitants of this particular Universe don’t refer to it as a Universe–– no, they call it Fred.
Within one of the arms of a familiar looking spiral galaxy in Fred, there’s a familiar looking yellow star with a familiar looking planetary system orbiting around it. One of these familiar looking planets is a blue and green orb and is host to a rather advanced form of life which is widely known throughout Fred as “hermanity”.
This planet is called Terth.
Chris is a herman from Terth.
It is important to note that hermans throughout Terth are not known for their rubber-band like abilities––Chris is very unique in that sense. He acquired the ability at a very young age during a rather unfortunate global, nuclear fallout.
Chris had been holding a rubber band at the time of the incident.
It is clear that at this point in the narrative, you must be desperately wondering how on Terth Chris wound up on Earth with the Explorers of the Unknown. Which is a simply ridiculous question––they’re called the Explorers of the Unknown, people. They explore the unknown.
Figure it out.
Obviously, being the odd man out in the brother’s team already established him as the proverbial third wheel. But there were other things that stretched the divide. For example: Chris was an alien. Despite his ability to contort like a rubber band, his genetic make-up was essentially the same as a human. Chris just wasn’t from Earth.
To understand this, first you must understand some elementary points on which All Of Existence is based upon. First, our Universe is flat. It is also infinite. Imagine a sheet of paper that has no edges. It simply lies flat and stretches out to infinity in every direction. That’s our Universe. Flat and endless.
Located directly above and below our Universe are the Other Universes. Much in the same way as our Universe stretches out horizontally for infinity, the Other Universes are stacked vertically to infinity. Some of these Other Universes are literal duplicates of our own while others, well, are not.
This is the Omniverse.
Located about forty-two Universes down (and just slightly to the right) there is a Universe that bears a striking resemblance to our own. One major difference is the fact that the inhabitants of this particular Universe don’t refer to it as a Universe–– no, they call it Fred.
Within one of the arms of a familiar looking spiral galaxy in Fred, there’s a familiar looking yellow star with a familiar looking planetary system orbiting around it. One of these familiar looking planets is a blue and green orb and is host to a rather advanced form of life which is widely known throughout Fred as “hermanity”.
This planet is called Terth.
Chris is a herman from Terth.
It is important to note that hermans throughout Terth are not known for their rubber-band like abilities––Chris is very unique in that sense. He acquired the ability at a very young age during a rather unfortunate global, nuclear fallout.
Chris had been holding a rubber band at the time of the incident.
It is clear that at this point in the narrative, you must be desperately wondering how on Terth Chris wound up on Earth with the Explorers of the Unknown. Which is a simply ridiculous question––they’re called the Explorers of the Unknown, people. They explore the unknown.
Figure it out.
***
Chris strolled along the side of the Topswell house, stepped around an aluminum trash can and came to a stop. He crouched down, arms spread, and coiled his legs like fleshy springs. With a burst of energy that would make NBA all- stars jealous, Chris launched himself upwards and grabbed hold of the roof, executing a seamless snap-flip that sent him skidding nimbly across the rooftop. Chris rolled with the momentum of his jump, coming to a stop in another crouch, his fingertips resting lightly on the shingles.
The roof arched up, half-obscuring his view of the backyard. Chris didn’t see the T-Rex, so he whistled loudly.
The Tyrannosaurus Rex’s massive head swung up into view and promptly spotted Chris.
“Hey there, big guy,” Chris said with a wave. “What’s up? You hungry?”
In response, the T-Rex let out a bellowing roar that made Chris wince painfully, his flexible face contorting into an exaggerated grimace.
“Whoo.” Chris waved the air in front of his face. He held out a packet of breath mints. “Mentos? It’s the fresh-maker.”
The Tyrannosaurus Rex snarled at Chris and backed away. A sense of panic washed over Chris the instant before the T-Rex rushed forward and leaped onto the roof of the house. Chris dropped to his knees and covered his head as the dinosaur skidded over his head, snapping at the air with its massive maw.
Chris bounced to his feet and backed away from the T-Rex. The dinosaur spun around and then they both froze as the roof let out an unsettling creak.
“Aw, crap.”
The T-Rex shifted its weight and was just about to lunge forward to attack Chris when the roof gave away under the weight of the dinosaur.
The roof arched up, half-obscuring his view of the backyard. Chris didn’t see the T-Rex, so he whistled loudly.
The Tyrannosaurus Rex’s massive head swung up into view and promptly spotted Chris.
“Hey there, big guy,” Chris said with a wave. “What’s up? You hungry?”
In response, the T-Rex let out a bellowing roar that made Chris wince painfully, his flexible face contorting into an exaggerated grimace.
“Whoo.” Chris waved the air in front of his face. He held out a packet of breath mints. “Mentos? It’s the fresh-maker.”
The Tyrannosaurus Rex snarled at Chris and backed away. A sense of panic washed over Chris the instant before the T-Rex rushed forward and leaped onto the roof of the house. Chris dropped to his knees and covered his head as the dinosaur skidded over his head, snapping at the air with its massive maw.
Chris bounced to his feet and backed away from the T-Rex. The dinosaur spun around and then they both froze as the roof let out an unsettling creak.
“Aw, crap.”
The T-Rex shifted its weight and was just about to lunge forward to attack Chris when the roof gave away under the weight of the dinosaur.
4
Jason continued driving down the tree-lined street while Jordan attempted to reach Chris over a surprisingly antiquated walkie-talkie.
“Chris?” Jordan spoke into the radio. “Chris?!”
He waited for a response. When none came, a vacant expression passed over his face. “He’s not answering ...”
Jason’s eyebrow went up. “You worried?”
Jordan looked at him. “He’s facing down a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Jason.”
Jason needed a moment to consider this. “Good point.”
Jason slammed the brakes and spun the wheel. The force of the spinning vehicle pushed the brothers into their seats as the Explorer screeched across the blacktop. When they came to a stop, facing the opposite direction, Jason’s eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. He gunned the engine to greater emphasize his one-liner.
“Let’s go kick some dino-ass.”
“Chris?” Jordan spoke into the radio. “Chris?!”
He waited for a response. When none came, a vacant expression passed over his face. “He’s not answering ...”
Jason’s eyebrow went up. “You worried?”
Jordan looked at him. “He’s facing down a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Jason.”
Jason needed a moment to consider this. “Good point.”
Jason slammed the brakes and spun the wheel. The force of the spinning vehicle pushed the brothers into their seats as the Explorer screeched across the blacktop. When they came to a stop, facing the opposite direction, Jason’s eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. He gunned the engine to greater emphasize his one-liner.
“Let’s go kick some dino-ass.”
***
The Topswell’s house––what had once been a rather mundanely picturesque, two-story Craftsman-style home––was now an unsightly pile of rubble. Chris pushed aside bits and pieces of the roof and stretched up from the mess, rubbing his head. He surveyed the wrecked house in an attempt to pinpoint the T-Rex.
A large bulk of rubble shifted violently and Chris watched as the Tyrannosaurus Rex struggled to its feet, grunting and groaning under the weight of the collapsed roof. Chris stepped over the shattered remains of a window and began to back away from the house. He unclipped his radio from his belt and thumbed the switch.
“Uh, guys?” he said into the walkie-talkie, “we’ve got a small problem here ...”
The radio squawked and Jordan’s tinny voice came through sounding worried. “Chris?! What happened?”
“Um, well, you remember the Topswell’s house, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well ... it’s kinda broken.”
“Chris!”
The T-Rex, having climbed to his feet, swung his head towards Chris. The screeching of the radio had hurt his ears and he shared as much with Chris by letting out a bellowing roar, lunging at Chris with his jaws wide.
“YAH!”
Chris bolted for the street, running as fast as his elastically-charged legs would carry him (which turned out to be just fast enough to momentarily out pace a Tyrannosaurus Rex). The T-Rex pounded after him, tearing up the Topswell’s lawn and sending small explosions of dirt flying with each step.
Chris screamed into the radio. “I’ve got him on the move! Feel free to make with the shrinkage any time now!”
A large bulk of rubble shifted violently and Chris watched as the Tyrannosaurus Rex struggled to its feet, grunting and groaning under the weight of the collapsed roof. Chris stepped over the shattered remains of a window and began to back away from the house. He unclipped his radio from his belt and thumbed the switch.
“Uh, guys?” he said into the walkie-talkie, “we’ve got a small problem here ...”
The radio squawked and Jordan’s tinny voice came through sounding worried. “Chris?! What happened?”
“Um, well, you remember the Topswell’s house, right?”
“Yeah?”
“Well ... it’s kinda broken.”
“Chris!”
The T-Rex, having climbed to his feet, swung his head towards Chris. The screeching of the radio had hurt his ears and he shared as much with Chris by letting out a bellowing roar, lunging at Chris with his jaws wide.
“YAH!”
Chris bolted for the street, running as fast as his elastically-charged legs would carry him (which turned out to be just fast enough to momentarily out pace a Tyrannosaurus Rex). The T-Rex pounded after him, tearing up the Topswell’s lawn and sending small explosions of dirt flying with each step.
Chris screamed into the radio. “I’ve got him on the move! Feel free to make with the shrinkage any time now!”
***
Jordan set the walkie-talkie down and nodded to Jason. “They’re on the move.”
Jason’s narrowed eyes narrowed even further (they were very slit-like at this point) and his voice went gravelly. “It’s go-time.”
Jason floored the gas pedal, dropping the gear shift into drive and the Explorer peeled off with a satisfying squeal. They raced down the street, the dense trees whipping past them. Jordan grabbed the controls of the shrink-ray gun.
Jason’s eyes darted. “Where are they?”
About three hundred feet in front of them, Chris leaped out onto the street, skidding around a parked car, and running full-out away from Jason and Jordan.
“Well, there’s Chris,” Jordan stated.
“Yeah, but where’s the dinosaur?”
Clearly, the dinosaur was not right behind Chris.
“I don’t know,” Jordan replied. He grabbed the walkie-talkie. “Hey, Chris, what happened to the dinosaur?”
In a move befitting the “Greatest Moment in Cinematic History” (if this story was ever made into a movie, that is to say) the Tyrannosaurus Rex burst out from behind the trees lining the road, mere feet ahead of the Ford Explorer. Jason slammed the brakes and swerved to avoid crashing into the dinosaur’s foot.
“Whoa!” Jason cried, staring at the T-Rex.
The dinosaur paused in his pursuit of Chris to roar at the offending Ford Explorer. Then he took off, his massive tail slamming into the Explorer and jostling Jason and Jordan.
Jordan raised the walkie-talkie again. “Never mind, Chris. We found him.”
“Dammit!” Jason yelled, adrenaline shooting through his action-junkie veins. “That was . . . awesome!”
“Jason?”
“What?”
Jordan pointed to the road in front of them. Jason stared at him, confused.
“Drive!”
Jason’s narrowed eyes narrowed even further (they were very slit-like at this point) and his voice went gravelly. “It’s go-time.”
Jason floored the gas pedal, dropping the gear shift into drive and the Explorer peeled off with a satisfying squeal. They raced down the street, the dense trees whipping past them. Jordan grabbed the controls of the shrink-ray gun.
Jason’s eyes darted. “Where are they?”
About three hundred feet in front of them, Chris leaped out onto the street, skidding around a parked car, and running full-out away from Jason and Jordan.
“Well, there’s Chris,” Jordan stated.
“Yeah, but where’s the dinosaur?”
Clearly, the dinosaur was not right behind Chris.
“I don’t know,” Jordan replied. He grabbed the walkie-talkie. “Hey, Chris, what happened to the dinosaur?”
In a move befitting the “Greatest Moment in Cinematic History” (if this story was ever made into a movie, that is to say) the Tyrannosaurus Rex burst out from behind the trees lining the road, mere feet ahead of the Ford Explorer. Jason slammed the brakes and swerved to avoid crashing into the dinosaur’s foot.
“Whoa!” Jason cried, staring at the T-Rex.
The dinosaur paused in his pursuit of Chris to roar at the offending Ford Explorer. Then he took off, his massive tail slamming into the Explorer and jostling Jason and Jordan.
Jordan raised the walkie-talkie again. “Never mind, Chris. We found him.”
“Dammit!” Jason yelled, adrenaline shooting through his action-junkie veins. “That was . . . awesome!”
“Jason?”
“What?”
Jordan pointed to the road in front of them. Jason stared at him, confused.
“Drive!”
***
The T-Rex snapped at Chris, close enough for him to feel the heat of the dinosaur’s breath on his neck. Chris panicked and started zig-zagging across the street.
“GUYS!” he yelled into the walkie-talkie. “ANY TIME NOW! PLEASE!”
“GUYS!” he yelled into the walkie-talkie. “ANY TIME NOW! PLEASE!”
***
The Ford Explorer raced down Harporsville Way and slowly gained on the T- Rex. Jordan focused on the shrink-ray gun’s heads-up-display and his fingers tightened on the trigger as the cross-hairs lined up with the dinosaur.
“Keep it steady now,” Jordan said, his voice strained.
“Steady like a rock,” Jason replied, his voice containing nothing but concrete confidence.
Jordan squinted at the heads-up-display, focusing intently and letting his instincts guide him. “Almost there ... almost there ...”
And there it was: everything lined up perfectly.
“Gotcha!”
Jordan squeezed the trigger of the shrink-ray gun at the exact same instant Jason hit a pothole in the road. The blast from the shrink-ray went wide and struck a house on the side of the road, reducing it to the size of a dollhouse.
Jordan glared at Jason.
Jason offered his brother a weak smile. “He-e-e-y ... what’s up?”
“Like a rock, you said!” Jordan yelled. “Steady like a rock!”
“I’m sorry! There was a pothole!”
“Jason, I shrunk a house!”
“At least you hit something!”
“I was aiming for the dinosaur!”
“Calm down!”
“I shrunk a house!”
“Calm down! It’s not like it’s the end of the world!”
Jordan stabbed a finger at his brother. “Hey––we don’t know that yet. Now please––keep it steady!”
“Don’t worry. Steady like a––”
“Just drive!”
“Keep it steady now,” Jordan said, his voice strained.
“Steady like a rock,” Jason replied, his voice containing nothing but concrete confidence.
Jordan squinted at the heads-up-display, focusing intently and letting his instincts guide him. “Almost there ... almost there ...”
And there it was: everything lined up perfectly.
“Gotcha!”
Jordan squeezed the trigger of the shrink-ray gun at the exact same instant Jason hit a pothole in the road. The blast from the shrink-ray went wide and struck a house on the side of the road, reducing it to the size of a dollhouse.
Jordan glared at Jason.
Jason offered his brother a weak smile. “He-e-e-y ... what’s up?”
“Like a rock, you said!” Jordan yelled. “Steady like a rock!”
“I’m sorry! There was a pothole!”
“Jason, I shrunk a house!”
“At least you hit something!”
“I was aiming for the dinosaur!”
“Calm down!”
“I shrunk a house!”
“Calm down! It’s not like it’s the end of the world!”
Jordan stabbed a finger at his brother. “Hey––we don’t know that yet. Now please––keep it steady!”
“Don’t worry. Steady like a––”
“Just drive!”
***
The T-Rex smashed a bright yellow Mini Cooper that was parked along the street. One of the tires went flying and Chris ducked to avoid getting hit in the head. The dinosaur roared as it lunged after Chris, growing frustrated over how persistent this puny creature was being about not getting eaten.
Chris dashed back across the street and came across one of the most profound horrors of suburban sprawl: the cul-de-sac. Chris came to an abrupt halt, wanting to not cause any more damage to the neighborhood and having no place else to run.
“Aww, come on!”
The T-Rex roared from behind Chris. He turned slowly to see the massive beast standing over him, glaring menacingly. The chase was over and even the T-Rex knew it.
Chris held up the walkie-talkie. His voice was quiet and meek. “Hey, uh, guys? Just so you know, I never really pictured myself dying in the middle of suburbia. Kinda anti-climactic, you know?”
The T-Rex let out a deafening roar and lunged forward, his jaws gaping wide. Chris dropped to a crouch, raised his arms over his head, and screamed.
“AAAHHHH!!!”
The sound of crackling energy filled the air as the shrink-ray blast hit the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Brilliant arcs of electricity darted over the dinosaur’s body, transmogrifying him at an atomic level. The beast cried out in a panicked anguish,. The dinosaur reared back and spasmed as it was enveloped in the crackling energy.
An eerie silence fell across the cul-del-sac-ed street.
A bird chirped in the distance.
Chris remained frozen in his crouch, arms raised over his head.
Two car doors slammed shut as Jason and Jordan climb out of the Ford Explorer.
“Chris,” Jordan said as he approached. “You okay?”
Very, very slowly, Chris lowered his arms. His eyes were wide with panic and the adrenaline coursing through him was making him twitch involuntarily. His throat was dry and swallowing hurt. He was surprised to discover that he had been holding his breath––when he released it, it came out in a shudder.
“Yeah,” Chris said, his voice shaky. “Yeah, I think I’m fine.”
Jason slapped Chris’ back enthusiastically and proceeded to gesticulate wildly. “That was freaking awesome, dude! All that heart-pounding action-y stuff, you know?! Wow! That could totally be a ride at an amusement park or something!”
Chris nodded blankly. “ ... yeah, sure.”
An odd yelping filled the air and the three Explorers of the Unknown crouched down to study the miniaturized Tyrannosaurus Rex. The once ferocious beast regarded them with a frightened curiosity, confounded at how these creatures grew to such a massive size. He shrunk back in fear.
Jason shrugged. “I dunno. He’s actually kinda cute like this. Like a hideously deformed Chihuahua or something, you know?”
The mini T-Rex cried in protest to the comparison.
Jason’s expression melted. “Aww ... can we keep him?”
Jordan and Chris stared at Jason.
“Dude, that thing tried to eat me,” Chris said flatly.
“We could name him George,” Jason suggested. “Or Lucius.”
“Jason?” Jordan said.
“What?”
“Shut up.”
Chris dashed back across the street and came across one of the most profound horrors of suburban sprawl: the cul-de-sac. Chris came to an abrupt halt, wanting to not cause any more damage to the neighborhood and having no place else to run.
“Aww, come on!”
The T-Rex roared from behind Chris. He turned slowly to see the massive beast standing over him, glaring menacingly. The chase was over and even the T-Rex knew it.
Chris held up the walkie-talkie. His voice was quiet and meek. “Hey, uh, guys? Just so you know, I never really pictured myself dying in the middle of suburbia. Kinda anti-climactic, you know?”
The T-Rex let out a deafening roar and lunged forward, his jaws gaping wide. Chris dropped to a crouch, raised his arms over his head, and screamed.
“AAAHHHH!!!”
The sound of crackling energy filled the air as the shrink-ray blast hit the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Brilliant arcs of electricity darted over the dinosaur’s body, transmogrifying him at an atomic level. The beast cried out in a panicked anguish,. The dinosaur reared back and spasmed as it was enveloped in the crackling energy.
An eerie silence fell across the cul-del-sac-ed street.
A bird chirped in the distance.
Chris remained frozen in his crouch, arms raised over his head.
Two car doors slammed shut as Jason and Jordan climb out of the Ford Explorer.
“Chris,” Jordan said as he approached. “You okay?”
Very, very slowly, Chris lowered his arms. His eyes were wide with panic and the adrenaline coursing through him was making him twitch involuntarily. His throat was dry and swallowing hurt. He was surprised to discover that he had been holding his breath––when he released it, it came out in a shudder.
“Yeah,” Chris said, his voice shaky. “Yeah, I think I’m fine.”
Jason slapped Chris’ back enthusiastically and proceeded to gesticulate wildly. “That was freaking awesome, dude! All that heart-pounding action-y stuff, you know?! Wow! That could totally be a ride at an amusement park or something!”
Chris nodded blankly. “ ... yeah, sure.”
An odd yelping filled the air and the three Explorers of the Unknown crouched down to study the miniaturized Tyrannosaurus Rex. The once ferocious beast regarded them with a frightened curiosity, confounded at how these creatures grew to such a massive size. He shrunk back in fear.
Jason shrugged. “I dunno. He’s actually kinda cute like this. Like a hideously deformed Chihuahua or something, you know?”
The mini T-Rex cried in protest to the comparison.
Jason’s expression melted. “Aww ... can we keep him?”
Jordan and Chris stared at Jason.
“Dude, that thing tried to eat me,” Chris said flatly.
“We could name him George,” Jason suggested. “Or Lucius.”
“Jason?” Jordan said.
“What?”
“Shut up.”
5
The Explorers of the Unknown were driving along the freeway, heading back to their headquarters in downtown Greenville. Jordan was driving, both hands on the wheel, and his lips formed a thin, irritated line.
Jason tapped the armrest.
Chris sat in the middle of the backseat, a blank expression on his face. “I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, but there’s a T-Rex on the dashboard.”
The miniaturized Tyrannosaurus Rex (or Lucius, as Jason had insisted upon calling him) seemed rather content stalking the length of the dash, snorting and grunting as he went, pausing only to let out an almost comical roar.
Jason scratched his head. “I may be wrong about this, but haven’t dinosaurs been extinct for, like, a really long time?”
Jordan clenched his jaw. “Yep.”
“Right,” Jason said. He turned his attention back to Lucius only to quickly go back to Jordan. “Okay, so now why is there a T-Rex on the dashboard?”
Jordan deftly spun the wheel to avoid what looked to be a massive tree-trunk in the middle of the freeway. Of course, there is no such thing as tree-trunks in the middle of freeways––even in such an aesthetically pleasing city such as Greenville where medians were regularly landscaped to look like a million dollars. The tree- trunk was anything but and belonged to an unfortunately enormous Brontosaur that was meandering across the freeway.
Despite this dinosaur’s non-violent intentions, the simple fact was that with each step it took, it wreaked havoc on both the road itself and the people and cars trying to get out of the Brontosaur’s way. Trailing in the dinosaur’s wake was a path of untold destruction and mayhem.
Jordan swerved again and pulled ahead of the beast.
A moment passed where no one said a word.
“... was that a Brontosaur?” Chris asked from the backseat.
“Yep,” Jordan replied flatly.
Another moment passed as they drove in silence.
“You know,” Jason said suddenly, “I don’t want to jump the gun on this one, but I think something very peculiar may be afoot.”
Jason tapped the armrest.
Chris sat in the middle of the backseat, a blank expression on his face. “I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, but there’s a T-Rex on the dashboard.”
The miniaturized Tyrannosaurus Rex (or Lucius, as Jason had insisted upon calling him) seemed rather content stalking the length of the dash, snorting and grunting as he went, pausing only to let out an almost comical roar.
Jason scratched his head. “I may be wrong about this, but haven’t dinosaurs been extinct for, like, a really long time?”
Jordan clenched his jaw. “Yep.”
“Right,” Jason said. He turned his attention back to Lucius only to quickly go back to Jordan. “Okay, so now why is there a T-Rex on the dashboard?”
Jordan deftly spun the wheel to avoid what looked to be a massive tree-trunk in the middle of the freeway. Of course, there is no such thing as tree-trunks in the middle of freeways––even in such an aesthetically pleasing city such as Greenville where medians were regularly landscaped to look like a million dollars. The tree- trunk was anything but and belonged to an unfortunately enormous Brontosaur that was meandering across the freeway.
Despite this dinosaur’s non-violent intentions, the simple fact was that with each step it took, it wreaked havoc on both the road itself and the people and cars trying to get out of the Brontosaur’s way. Trailing in the dinosaur’s wake was a path of untold destruction and mayhem.
Jordan swerved again and pulled ahead of the beast.
A moment passed where no one said a word.
“... was that a Brontosaur?” Chris asked from the backseat.
“Yep,” Jordan replied flatly.
Another moment passed as they drove in silence.
“You know,” Jason said suddenly, “I don’t want to jump the gun on this one, but I think something very peculiar may be afoot.”
***
The Explorers of the Unknown were based out of third-rate office building in downtown Greenville. Their offices (which also doubled as their living quarters) were located on the sixteenth floor––an improvement over the basement level where they had started, in offices next to the janitor’s closet. (Having an office located next to a janitor’s closet isn’t a bad thing, per se, but when said janitor’s closet just so happens to be the point of entry for a race of maliciously malevolent mole-men from Mars, well, let’s just say it can get a little awkward.)
The new EotU headquarters featured three main offices (one for each of the boys to both work and live out of); a small kitchen; a lab where Jordan conducted research and worked on his projects; and a quaint little conference room. Inside the conference room, Jason and Chris sat at the table and tried to follow Jordan’s detailed presentation that explained his hypothesis about the dinosaurs.
“So,” Jordan said, beginning his conclusion and pointing to a slide containing a diagram of interacting matter and antimatter, “as you can see, in the absence of matter there is, unequivocally, antimatter. The same is true for the reverse: in the absence of antimatter, matter itself can be found. What we’re looking at here appears to be an imbalance of matter and antimatter––the result being random matter being manifested. And, as we’ve already seen, it’s being manifested in the form of prehistoric dinosaurs.”
Jason blinked rapidly as though he was just waking up. “... I’m sorry. What?”
Chris shook his head, confused. “I’m still not clear as to how that explains a T- Rex appearing in someone’s back yard.”
“Or a Brontosaur on the freeway,” Jason chimed.
“Or an ocean liner appearing on top of a football stadium.” “What?” Jordan looked at Chris, confused. “When did that happen?”
“About five minutes ago,” Chris said with a shrug. “It’s on the news.”
Jordan, Jason, and Chris turned to the television and watched the news coverage of an ocean liner that had appeared to have simply dropped from the sky onto a football stadium. The destruction had been magnificent––certainly on par with something very large suddenly and unexpectedly falling on top of something else equally as large.
The new EotU headquarters featured three main offices (one for each of the boys to both work and live out of); a small kitchen; a lab where Jordan conducted research and worked on his projects; and a quaint little conference room. Inside the conference room, Jason and Chris sat at the table and tried to follow Jordan’s detailed presentation that explained his hypothesis about the dinosaurs.
“So,” Jordan said, beginning his conclusion and pointing to a slide containing a diagram of interacting matter and antimatter, “as you can see, in the absence of matter there is, unequivocally, antimatter. The same is true for the reverse: in the absence of antimatter, matter itself can be found. What we’re looking at here appears to be an imbalance of matter and antimatter––the result being random matter being manifested. And, as we’ve already seen, it’s being manifested in the form of prehistoric dinosaurs.”
Jason blinked rapidly as though he was just waking up. “... I’m sorry. What?”
Chris shook his head, confused. “I’m still not clear as to how that explains a T- Rex appearing in someone’s back yard.”
“Or a Brontosaur on the freeway,” Jason chimed.
“Or an ocean liner appearing on top of a football stadium.” “What?” Jordan looked at Chris, confused. “When did that happen?”
“About five minutes ago,” Chris said with a shrug. “It’s on the news.”
Jordan, Jason, and Chris turned to the television and watched the news coverage of an ocean liner that had appeared to have simply dropped from the sky onto a football stadium. The destruction had been magnificent––certainly on par with something very large suddenly and unexpectedly falling on top of something else equally as large.
***
Currently unbeknownst to the Explorers of the Unknown, a nefarious plot was unfolding somewhere near the center of the galaxy. The people responsible for this nefarious plot were called Zangledorfs. Before embarking on this particular plot, they had diligently evaluated a multitude of alternative plots. Eventually, they had to discard all of the plots (except for one) because they all seemed to feature a level of nefariousness that simply embarrassed the Zangledorfs. Which is to say, none of the plots were nefarious. Aside from the one plot mentioned earlier––that one positively dripped with nefarium. (Nefarium was an oozy kind of bio-fuel that was used to energize enormous, pulsating energy beams. Kind of like the one that was conveniently being used here.)
When one constructs an energy beam––especially an energy beam with nefarious intentions––it is essential for said beam to be both crackling and pulsating. It is possible to perceive these two characteristics as counter-intuitive, but when it is successfully pulled off (as it was here) the energy beam reaches an entirely new level of nefariousness.
Which, in case you’re not following, is incredibly, horribly, and a touch despicably nefarious.
The beam emitted a low, buzzing hum which would have been quite audible if not for the fact that it was in the vacuum of space and everyone knows that sound cannot travel in the vacuum of space. This poses a small paradoxical anomaly in that if it is impossible to hear sound in space, how can it be know that the energy beam emitted a low, buzzing hum?
The answer is obvious, actually: there exists advanced technological gadgetry to detect and translate an energy beam’s pulses and vibrations. This gadgetry could theoretically be explained, but it is far beyond the normal levels of human comprehension, so any further discussion on the matter would be rather pointless.
The energy beam was not being haphazardly shot into space (though, that might have added to the nefariousness of the plot)––it was being directed at an enormous, oscillating blackness that was pulsing violently under the onslaught of the energy beam.
It was a black hole.
The source of crackling energy beam was a gleaming white, ferocious-looking spaceship with a lot of pointy ends to it. This ship was the command ship of the Zangledorf Battle Fleet. The fleet was comprised of hundreds of similarly shaped spaceships and they were all hanging in space behind the command ship in an ominous fashion that can really only be achieved by multitudes of ferocious- looking, pointy-ended, gleaming white spaceships.
The command deck of the Zangledorf battle cruiser was large, spacious, and maintained the gleaming white motif apparent from the exteriors. The Zangledorfs themselves were humanoid in the sense that they had two arms (though they were slightly long), two legs (though they were slightly short); and a single head (which was about average in size, but the species did have a very prominent lower jaw). They wore military-style grey uniforms and worked intently at various stations and posts throughout the bridge.
At the center of the bridge on a raised platform that overlooking the entire deck, was the commander of the Zangledorf Battle Fleet. He had a permanent scowl on his face as he rapped his bony fingers against the armrest of his command chair. He swiveled in the chair and pointed an irritated gaze at his Lieutenant.
“Status report, Lieutenant,” Commander Zipple demanded, his voice edging towards falsetto accompanied by an odd rasp that might have been more befitting a choking frog.
“Phase two of the negative energy charge is complete, Commander,” the Lieutenant replied. “We’ll be initiating the final phase shortly, sir.”
Commander Zipple leaned back in his chair, steepled his fingers, and grinned maniacally. Everything was going exactly according to plan and soon––very soon–– there wouldn’t be a single entity in the entire Universe that wouldn’t be cowering in fear of the Zangledorfs.
“Excellent ...” Commander Zipple breathed.
When one constructs an energy beam––especially an energy beam with nefarious intentions––it is essential for said beam to be both crackling and pulsating. It is possible to perceive these two characteristics as counter-intuitive, but when it is successfully pulled off (as it was here) the energy beam reaches an entirely new level of nefariousness.
Which, in case you’re not following, is incredibly, horribly, and a touch despicably nefarious.
The beam emitted a low, buzzing hum which would have been quite audible if not for the fact that it was in the vacuum of space and everyone knows that sound cannot travel in the vacuum of space. This poses a small paradoxical anomaly in that if it is impossible to hear sound in space, how can it be know that the energy beam emitted a low, buzzing hum?
The answer is obvious, actually: there exists advanced technological gadgetry to detect and translate an energy beam’s pulses and vibrations. This gadgetry could theoretically be explained, but it is far beyond the normal levels of human comprehension, so any further discussion on the matter would be rather pointless.
The energy beam was not being haphazardly shot into space (though, that might have added to the nefariousness of the plot)––it was being directed at an enormous, oscillating blackness that was pulsing violently under the onslaught of the energy beam.
It was a black hole.
The source of crackling energy beam was a gleaming white, ferocious-looking spaceship with a lot of pointy ends to it. This ship was the command ship of the Zangledorf Battle Fleet. The fleet was comprised of hundreds of similarly shaped spaceships and they were all hanging in space behind the command ship in an ominous fashion that can really only be achieved by multitudes of ferocious- looking, pointy-ended, gleaming white spaceships.
The command deck of the Zangledorf battle cruiser was large, spacious, and maintained the gleaming white motif apparent from the exteriors. The Zangledorfs themselves were humanoid in the sense that they had two arms (though they were slightly long), two legs (though they were slightly short); and a single head (which was about average in size, but the species did have a very prominent lower jaw). They wore military-style grey uniforms and worked intently at various stations and posts throughout the bridge.
At the center of the bridge on a raised platform that overlooking the entire deck, was the commander of the Zangledorf Battle Fleet. He had a permanent scowl on his face as he rapped his bony fingers against the armrest of his command chair. He swiveled in the chair and pointed an irritated gaze at his Lieutenant.
“Status report, Lieutenant,” Commander Zipple demanded, his voice edging towards falsetto accompanied by an odd rasp that might have been more befitting a choking frog.
“Phase two of the negative energy charge is complete, Commander,” the Lieutenant replied. “We’ll be initiating the final phase shortly, sir.”
Commander Zipple leaned back in his chair, steepled his fingers, and grinned maniacally. Everything was going exactly according to plan and soon––very soon–– there wouldn’t be a single entity in the entire Universe that wouldn’t be cowering in fear of the Zangledorfs.
“Excellent ...” Commander Zipple breathed.