The script was released May 13, 2020. The finished episode went live June 7, 2020. The original script is below for posterity.
If you're curious how this video came together, you can take a deep dive with two Behind the Final Cut vlogs ...
Vlog 1: Starting the Edit
Vlog 2: This Timeline is Insane
As always, if you've enjoyed this piece of creative, please consider dropping a few dollars in the tip jar.
I never wrote it with the intention, but I think this video could be the most youtube-thing posted to youtube in the last 10 years. (For those who missed it: that was not-so-subtle commentary about the rampant commercialization of youtube to the point where one may find themselves questioning the 'you' in youtube.)
But there it is. Yes, this is a scripted Zoom video chat fail of a video, but that's only a portion of what you're watching. The performances come from people scattered across the globe -- some of us have never met outside of these scripted encounters.
That being said, some of the performances weren't scripted.
This is also the defacto musical episode of Webcams -- all of the music was created by the people you see performing it, inspired by little more than a creative prompt or suggestion.
In short, this video is all you, baby. (That's the 'you' in youtube.) And I couldn't be more proud to have assembled it with you. I have nothing but love and gratitude for everyone in the list below (as well as those who couldn't make it in -- we'll get you in the next one!). Your participation brought this silly idea to life.
Aaron Spencer Liddle
Tracie Hunt as CulturalEnigma
Jim Daly as JimmerSD
Sabino Velasquez as Depointless
Webcams: The Pandemic Diaries
"Everything is Awful, Especially Reboots"
DEADLINE FOR FOOTAGE: Weekend of 5/23/20
TECHNICAL: Please keep video quality to 1080p and upload to Google Photos and provide a share link (or just upload as unlisted to YouTube or file sharing service of your choice).
Questions? Issues? Ideas for the next episode? Let me know!
Everyone should talk fast. Part of the magic of Webcams is the rapid-fire nature, so unless there's scripted direction that says otherwise ('beat', 'pause', 'awkward moment', etc) don't languish through a line. Fast and high energy.
NAUGHTY WORDS: will be bleeped out. So please take a bad word and string it into a dozen bad words where appropriate. Longer censor beeps are funny.
REACTION SHOTS: even if it's a separate video, try to give me a few minutes of shots where you're just reacting to other lines.
KRUMBINE - straight man that everyone gets to play off of. He sets up a call with a handful of people to specifically discuss ideas on how to reboot Webcams.
CHRIS - Cranky. Doesn't understand why we're going back to a well that had run dry.
TIFFANY - thrilled to witness what seems to her to be a momentous and historical return.
ERIC - Microphone doesn't work
MATTY & JIMMER (OH GOD PLEASE, JIMMER!!!) - Both show up to pitch a song (Matty on uke and Jimmer on guitar). Both fight over who gets to pitch. (The idea here is to record that "live" 20-second musical pitch. Chris, you can get in on this too, but you will absolutely own the end credit song -- which we could also turn into an end-credit music video, too).
JEN - Comes in with the no-pants gag and owns Matty and Jimmer with a killer tune.
OBSQUATCH - is accidentally summoned by Matty and unleashes a torrent of Obsquatchian Rage ... which turns out to be his pitch for the reboot.
IBRAHIM - The best walk on role ever?
EVERYONE ELSE (this includes YOU)
Sorry. Really. There's only so much we can cram into one episode and I already cut a handful of bits. But here's the idea –– the episode takes place in an open video chat room that slowly fills up until there's a literal cacophony. Anyone who wants to be in this one can submit footage. It should include a sign on/sign off moment, a greeting, an idea to pitch, reaction shots, and/or a small bit of a musical performance (or other creative performance –– if you can capture it on video, I can probably include it in the episode). Try to include half-starts and interruptions like you're trying to squeeze in between what other people are saying!
Krumbine turns on the chat and then organizes some stuff on his desk. After another moment, CHRIS clicks into the room.
What up, my man.
Hey, Chris! I've got a lot of ideas for rebooting Webcams and I'm really glad you could make the time––
I've got nothing BUT time. Endless hours melt into meaningless days dissolving into an abstraction of weeks. And you know what the worst part is?
What's the worst part?
Eric clicks on but Chris is barreling forward. He tries to talk but his microphone isn't working.
I AIN'T GOT NO FUCKING FRENCH FRIES, SON. I can't afford the Mickey-D's delivery fee and if I go outside I will straight up fucking DIE. THIS WORLD IS A DUMPSTER FIRE OF DESPAIR.
Tiffany clicks on.
Okay, first: Eric, I don't think your microphone is work and second––
Well HELLO, and good day to you, fine gentlemen! And Eric! I was hoping you'd show up!
Eric is having an emotional spiral but of course no one can hear him –– basically, just run with this gag and we'll cut in an out of you trying to contribute ideas throughout the episode, but no one can hear you.
"Good day"? MORE LIKE A DUMPSTER FIRE DAY. OF DESPAIR.
Tiffany, Eric! Thank you both for making time––
(very confused, off Chris)
Come again? Dumpster fire––?
(angrily stabbing finger at camera)
The world is a meaningless abyss of pointless pleasantries and shallow distractions and, worst of all, stupid people who think everything's going to be alright when ALL OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE points to the contrary!
Okay, so what I think Chris is trying to say––
Dude. Bro. Homeslice. My fellow french fry aficionado. Everything IS going to be alright.
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT––
Guys, if we could just talk about these reboot ideas––
My DUDE. The dispensaries deliver TO. YOUR. DOOR.
... say what now?
For free. No delivery fee. You know what I'm talking about.
Motherfucker. Right to the door. It is truly a beautiful fucking world we live in right now.
Eric screams and rants silently.
So with everyone staying at home it seems like the right time to reboot Webcams.
I love it!
I hate it.
I thought you said you liked the idea?
Yeah, that was BEFORE you decided to return to a well that had so clearly run dry. What, now that the rest of the world is doing webcam-zoom-video-chat productions, you wanna reboot a decade-plus-old series just to be TRENDY?
Did you guys see that Parks & Rec special? I love those characters but that video chat episode was HORRIBLE.
I mean, c'mon, Chris.
Our videos from ten years ago ARE better than most of the cobbled-together stuff Hollywood is putting out right now.
That's still no excuse to just repeat yourself!
He's repeating himself?
I'm not repeating myself!
Matty clicks on.
You're totally repeating yourself!
Wait, who's repeating himself?
(answering the question)
Hey, Eric's in the house! I was hoping you'd be here!
Eric is just getting more frustrated in his silence.
Oh man. I can't believe I have a front-row seat to all these great ideas!
How are you so happy?
Jimmer clicks on with guitar.
Yo yo, hey hey! JimmerSD in the hizz-ouse! Listen, Krumbine, you said you wanted some, you know, musical pitches for the Webcams reboot and I think I've got a really great ditty for you––
Oh, wow, that's gonna be––
JimmerSD! Holy hell in a hopscotched Obsquatch!
MattyHo. My old nemesis––
You asked for musical pitches, Krumbine?! When were you planning on telling me about that?
(holds up random instrument)
I ALSO DO MUSIC, MAN.
Yes––of course––see, my idea was that we could have one or two "live-ish" performances in an episode, you know, really tap into the full spectrum of creative––
Jimmer starts strumming and is about to start singing but is cut off.
I think it's a goddamn brilliant idea, Krumbine!
(picks up ukulele)
That's why I wrote you this little number ...
Matty starts strumming but is cut off.
Hey! Come on, now! I was LITERALLY just pitching my song––
Obsquatch clicks on.
Yeah, but technically I was here first––
THE OBSQUATCH HAS BEEN SUMMONED.
What in the shit––
NO-NO! There will be no shits! The only fucking shits will be the shits that the OBSQUATCH extracts through sheer force of will from the depths of Krumbine's ASSHOLE.
I'm calling it: this is not gonna end well.
I. AM. OBSQUATCH! YOU THINK YOU CAN REBOOT YOUR SILLY FUCKING WEBCAMS INTERNET SHOW WITHOUT ME, KRUMBINE? TRYING TO SNEAK AROUND LIKE A SNEAKY LITTLE FUCKING BITCH, GOING AROUND MY BACK TRYING TO CUT ME OUT?! NOBODY CUTS OUT THE OBSQUATCH.
Ibrahim logs in. He's happy, excited. Obsquatch continues ranting.
(full fucking rage-on, feel free to keep the obscenities rolling)
FUCK YOU, KRUMBINE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR COCKSUCKING WHORE OF A MOUTH, KRUMBINE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT ASSHOLE OOOH LOOK AT ME AND MY GIANT THROBBING CREATIVE BRAIN. I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD, YOU'LL BE TASTING MY SHIT-COVERED BOOT IN YOUR MOUTH FOR DAYS AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FUCKING VIRUSES OR QUARANTINES OR YOUR GODDAMN CUNTLICKING REBOOT BECAUSE I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING OBSQUATCH.
Ibrahim closes his mouth, changes his mind, and signs off.
FUCK YOU, KRUMBINE!
(total change in character, normal & calm voice)
Or you know, something like that.
That's your idea for the reboot?
Yeah, I mean that's basically what the old episodes were all about.
I think they were about a little bit more than that––
Jenzatron signs on.
Fuck you, Krumbine, this and fuck you, Krumbine, that. Give the people what they want, asshat.
I know I can dig it.
Fuck you, Krumbine.
Yes, yes it was.
Can I PLEASE play my song?!
I think if you hear my song first, that'll really help inform what the rest of the episode should be.
I just want you all to know that I'm not wearing any pants right now. Which is what I think the reboot should be about. Because fuck pants, amiright?!
JEN PLAYS HER SONG.
Jen! Jenzatron! That was amazing.
I'm not even mad. That was really good.
Krumbine, you fucking asshole. Why haven't you had her play a song before?
Jesus. For real, fuck you, Krumbine.
ANYWAY. I've got a wedding to plan. Later, losers.
Jen signs off.
You know, I can't help but notice a preponderance of testosterone, Krumbine. What, did you only invite a bunch of dudes to your little reboot party?
Actually, no, I––
You know what? It's been ten years, dude. Some of us have grown. Emotionally. Physically. Dicktually. I dunno, that might be a thing. Point is that some of us are better people than you WROTE us to be back then. You know what? Fuck you, Krumbine.
Obsquatch signs off.
Did you even invite him?
No, and I don't even know how he knew––
Dick move, Krumbine. Good luck with your reboot. Also, reboots are dumb.
Jimmer signs off. A ukulele starts strumming.
(sings a happy song about creativity -- maybe a "Creative Wizard" theme song??)
Anyhow, it's good seeing your face, kid.
Matty signs off.
Dumpster. Fire. Of despair. Everything is awful, dude.
Eric talks and gesticulates. Krumbine sighs.
(shrugs, still optimistic)
I don't know. Look at all the people who showed up––
And then left.
But they showed up! And they all had ideas for the reboot. That's not awful.
Speaking of, what was your idea?
There's no one else here, Tiffany.
Eric pounds his desk in furious rage. No one hears him.
Well, okay, follow me on this one. Webcams ...
But with PUPPETS!
(she whips up a bunch of puppets into frame)
CUT TO BLACK.
CHRIS' END CREDIT SONG SEQUENCE.
Jimmer logs back in a furor.
Okay, you know what?
Eric is the only one still there. He tries to talk but his mic is still out. "Can you hear me, can you hear me??"
Jimmer is about to log off but hesitates. He grabs his guitar and plays his song instead. Eric listens, mesmerized. At the end of the song ...
––beautiful, Jimmer. Really. Absolutely beautiful.
Thanks, Eric. Hey, your mic is finally working.
It's working. It's working! Listen, Jim, I've got this really great idea for the reboot, a way to bring Webcams back in a completely original way––
Sorry, dude, I'm over it. Later!
Eric tries to protest but Jimmer signs off and the whole screen
CUTS TO BLACK.