[Krumbinism] I AM A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST

This was originally posted in 2009.

"I AM A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST!"

"Um ... okay?"

"EVERYTHING I TALK ABOUT IS RELATED TO THE ONE TRUE RELIGION OF PLANET EARTH ... CHRISTIANITY!"

"Can I ask one question?"

"WHAT?"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

[At this point, were this a video, I'd insert some sort of random, opening title sequence here.]

"WHAT?"

"I said, why are you yelling at me?"

"I CAN'T HELP IT."

"You're yelling because you can't help it?"

"YES, THAT'S RIGHT. GOD BLESS YOU."

"That doesn't make any sense. And I didn't sneeze!"

"A PERSON DOESN'T HAVE TO SNEEZE IN ORDER TO BE BLESSED BY GOD, ASSY MCDUMBASS!"

"Um, okay. But that doesn't explain why you're yelling."

"I'M YELLING BECAUSE I'M A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST! MY FANATACISM TOWARDS CHRISTIANITY HAS BLINDED ME TO INTELLIGENT SELF-EDUCATION AND THEREFORE I HAVE NO ACTUAL FACTS TO BACK-UP ANYTHING I SAY ABOUT HOW GOD HATES HOMOSEXUALS AND HOW A MAN MUST BE STONED AND CASTRATED FOR EVEN THINKING OF A WOMAN WHO IS NOT HIS WIFE, BUT NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER."

"Right. And so the yelling is because ..."

"WELL, I'M YELLING IN HOPES THAT MY SHEER VOLUME WILL INCAPACATATE YOUR ABILITY TO REALIZE THAT MY DEFENSE OF CHRISTIANITY IS ABOUT AS STRONG AS A FART IN A HURRICANE."

"... would you mind terribly if I ask another question?"

"SINCE I AM A CHRISTIAN, I AM OPEN TO ANY AND ALL QUESTIONS. MIND YOU, IF I DON'T AGREE WITH WHERE THE QUESTION IS COMING FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE, I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU LATER."

"Why are you telling me all of this? Doesn't admitting that you have no clue whatsover kind of ruin any and all chances of you winning an argument about religion?"

"WHAT?! GOD-DAMMIT! JESUS-FUCKING-CHRIST! YOU HEARD ALL OF THAT?? I REALLY THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE TUNED OUT ALL THE YELLING BY NOW, YOU KNOW?"